Just Be Good!

Have you ever heard of John Herdman? If not, or if you have but can't place the face, he's the former head coach of Sunderland's Youth Academy, New Zealand National Women's team, and Canada's Women's National Soccer team, but now leads the Canadian National Men's soccer team, a group that are on a tear at the 2021 CONCAF tournament. While his coaching pedigree is impressive enough, it is something off the pitch that drew me to write about him, when I watched a TED talk of his from a 2015 Vancouver TED conference.  

Herdman is English by birth, born in 1975 in Consett, County Durham, and has spent the vast majority of his adult life as a professional soccer manager. As an offshoot of his elite level coaching, he is adept at the mental side of elite sports, and success has naturally followed his influence taking both New Zealand and Canada to FIFA World Cups and Olympic tournaments. Canadians have a special place in their collective heart for Herdman after our National Women's Olympic soccer drought was broken with a Bronze medal in 2016. Considering the recent improvements of the Men's National team, the optimist in me is hoping for more Olympic success in 2024.

Do yourself a favour and press play on the video!

As a proud Canadian who has sung our National Anthem 100's of times over my 58 years, I had not stopped to examine the message contained in the lyrics prior to Herdman's insistence in his talk. To quote him, Canadians possess "one of the most powerful pieces of literature ever written" in our national anthem, even going so far as to intonate that all of the spiritual guidance one needs is contained therein. 

The essence of Herdman's talk, without spoiling it if you haven't yet pressed the triangle, is to live above the mediocrity line by Being Good as close to 100% of the time as possible, a task he confesses is extremely difficult. Referencing the anthem's lyrics, he challenges the audience to exercise their ability to choose glory (... glorious and free) by recognizing and focusing on what pulls each of us toward high performance (... our True North, strong and free). Both of these challenges are not possible without the introspection that comes with understanding who we are deep down inside, and embracing the notion that we are solely in charge of that decision by accepting responsibility for our own destiny.

There's some awfully powerful messages contained in this talk, and I will freely admit that I came away from my multiple viewings of it with a renewed sense of both pride in what I've accomplished thus far and renewed focus on what I still wish to achieve with the time I've got left. 

One of the portions that really got to me, deep down in my core, was something I feel I've lived for a long time but never encapsulated in a single idea as well has his "Oh Shit Moments". I immediately thought of the messages I've read or heard over my life that address the ideal. You likely read them too; "Greatness starts at the edge of your comfort zone" or "Comfort is the enemy of achievement" but the notion that we are truly the consequences of our "Oh Shit Moments" is simple and enduring.

Another was Herdman's line drawn in the sand challenging us to identify when we had consciously acted with intention to impact our kid's lives, our spouse's life, our colleague's lives without coming off like some fire and brimstone sermon. Probably the purest truth of that portion of the talk comes when he cautions that you really won't know if people are actually listening or what sense they're making of your interaction unless you do a deep dive into your own "meaning maker" and challenge them with a question that will cause their own deep dive for an answer. 

In his words, "Who are you as Canadians?", personally leaves me deeply mired in my own thoughts.

The last part I'll emphasize occurs when Herdman talks of the team's True North. He washes over it quickly so it's justifiably easy to miss like I did on my first viewing. I'll put my own understanding out there for all to criticize: Instead of gripping a toxic goal tied to material rewards like win an Olympic medal, the team embraced what's inside of the medal ... their connection to each other and their country, their determination to create and leave a legacy, and to be fulfilled with their effort regardless of the end result. 

That's powerful, challenging, and scary as crap because there's no where to hide, no deflection of blame, no excuse to suffice.

I've book-marked it so I can go back and listen again and again, lest I lose my way from time to time. I may not be actively coaching any longer, in the common definition of the term, but I have vowed to remain a coach for my children, my spouse, my family, and my friends by "walking the talk", as the saying goes.

Do yourself the favour of listening to his talk.
IMHO, you won't regret it.

I wish you enough!

Staying with my theme of little golden nuggets of wisdom uncovered during a journey through the murkiness of Social Media, here's another thought provoking, gut wrenching, attitude changing diatribe of profound retrospective that resonated with me enough to share.

The post I copied this from credited Bob Perks, and I have no idea who the man is, but like the previous post about Kerri Grote, I really wish I had the pleasure. Once again, I have neither the knowledge as to its validity nor the inclination to research, but I do know that after reading it, I spent some time thinking about the message. 

For me, that's one of the great powers of Social Media ... it makes me think.

Recently, I overheard a Mother and Daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the Daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough."

The Daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." 

They kissed and the Daughter left.

The Mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say Good-Bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" 

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever Good-Bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying Good-Bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." 

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. 

An hour to appreciate them. 

A day to love them. 

And an entire life to forget them.

Mindset: It's NOT a battle!

With all of the negative publicity surrounding the ills and harms of Social Media, every now and again it gifts us a little gem of thought-provoking perspective that shakes the very foundations we base our opinions on, relegating us to re-examine our beliefs, attitudes, assumptions and convictions.

This is one of those, and it certainly resonated with me! 

It was attributed to Kerri Grote, and was posted on her friend's FB page, with an explanation that these were her words at the end of a particularly difficult battle with cancer. Yes, I am placing faith in the honesty of Social Media, but it really doesn't matter if it's not true because the message contained is pure gold. I've lost loved ones and good friends to cancer, and even though they lost, they were ever bit as courageous and heroic as those I know that survived. 

Kerri Grote, I wish I had known you. You sound like an amazing woman.

If you’re reading this, this fu$king brain cancer probably got me.

But let me be crystal clear while I’m able: I did not ”lose a battle” against cancer. This is a ridiculous, steamy pile of horse shit that society has dumped on cancer patients. Western medicine, and Western culture, especially, is so uncomfortable talking about death that instead it created this “battle” analogy that basically shames people who die from cancer.

News flash: None of us gets out alive from this rodeo called life.

There is no shame in dying from cancer, or any serious illness. And it doesn’t need to be a battle. It’s a transition that each of us will go through. I was asked by a shaman, whom I spoke to after my second brain surgery, “Are you running towards life or running away from death?”

Whoa! That got my attention. There’s a BIG difference. 

I got it wrong more often than not. Don’t let fear fuel your choices. Live fearlessly. Run TOWARDS life. Don’t worry about what people will think. Trust me, it doesn’t matter. Focus on you. Be true to yourself. Be your own best friend. People who tell you you’re selfish are not your people. If the voice in your head says these unkind things, get a new voice. Honour your mental health and seek out a good therapist with the same vigor you’d search for a romantic partner.

Speaking of that, be intentional about cultivating friendships that lift you up. As those friendships grow and change, don’t overlook them while you search for that “great love of your life.” No, I’m not suggesting you sleep with your bestie. But you do you!

Another unhelpful message that we get from society is that we need a “love of our life,” as a romantic partner. Single and childless when I was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, I looked around my life and came up sputtering and sobbing from the wave of grief washed over me. I thought I’d be doing this alone… no husband, no kids, no “great love.” How wrong I was. At the first appointment with my neuro-oncologists, one of the nurses diligently hauled in chair after chair for the great loves of my life who came with me that horrible day and many days after that.

I sat and listened while the doctor explained the 12-month treatment plan, focusing on my breathing, then looked around the room … filled with great loves of my life: the incredible women friends whom I had met at various stages of my life. Surround yourself with people who contradict that unkind voice, people who see your light, and remind you who you are: an amazing soul. Learn how to receive these reflections from your people. Because they are speaking the Truth.

Love yourself, no matter how weird and silly it might feel. Every morning, give yourself a hug before your feet hit the floor. Look deeply into your eyes in a mirror. Say to yourself, out loud, “I trust you.” That voice in your head might say you’re a dork. Ignore it. 

As I prepare to leave this body and embark on this mysterious journey of my soul, I hope these observations from my deathbed are somehow useful. What I know, deep in my bones, is that learning to love myself has led me to be able to say this: I’m so proud of how I lived.

May you, dear reader, feel the same when you head out on your soul journey, too. 

Until then, enjoy the ride. 

And always eat dessert first, especially if there’s pie!

Losing sometimes means you win!

It's a relatively dark, damp Saturday night after spending the better part of the afternoon in the rocker watching my beloved Gaels win their 2021 OUA semifinal match vs Ottawa ... What the heck is a Gee Gee, anyway ... and although I deeply enjoyed the Big Yellow Guys continuing their undefeated ways, I would be lying if I didn't admit that there was a something missing. That something would be the ability to cheer on the Georgian College Grizzlies Men's Rugby team as they faced St Lawrence College in the OCAA Championship. I was missing it because the STL folk couldn't figure out how to stream the game for anyone outside of the Kingston area to support the wonderful young men that were representing their colleges with blood, sweat, and for the losing team, tears. 

You might have read that and wondered, "Why would P be so hot 'n bothered by a college rugby game not being streamed?" What many may have forgotten is that I was blessed by the welcoming arms of the athletic staff at Georgian, not the least of which would be head coach John Daggett, for 11 years prior to the move to Guelph this past June; 7 of those were with the rugby program and 4 were with the basketball program. During my involvement with "GC State", I learned an immeasurable number of things about some great young men, some fantastic middle aged fellows, and even a little about myself along the way. While a most definitely bleed Red, Black, and White ... Go Central ... a significant portion of my being leans toward the Blue, Black and White, and in particular, to the Men's Rugby program. 

The following paragraphs will be a gushing appreciation of the incredible people that I have come to know through my involvement, in chronological order with respect to the GC program.

I first met Jeff Harris, the GC Varsity Coordinator, when I was applying to the vacant Men's Basketball Head Coach position, and in his role, he was leading the interview team. After successfully winning the job, I would come to know that Jeff is not only extremely competent in his role, but a tremendously knowledgeable, supportive, friendly and genuine man. After a short hiatus from GC, he welcomed my return with a huge hello, a firm handshake and a big smile. Over my 11 years involved with GC, I consider Jeff to be a good friend.

John Daggett, if you've never had the pleasure, is a limited edition when it comes to the list of people you definitely want to meet! Rarely in my life have I met a more warm, more genuine, more giving, more honest, and more intelligent person, and I consider myself fortunate indeed to be able to call him a friend. "Dagg" as most refer to him, has been the Head Coach of the GC Men's Rugby program for 10 years ... I think ... and has been the singular driving force behind the transformation from also ran to perennial favourite, from peculiar oddity to respected powerhouse, from erratic curiousity to consistent frontrunner. Going solely on personal memory, John's leadership has resulted in 9 OCAA medals, 7 of those in each of the last 8 seasons that the OCAA held competitions ... thanks a lot Covid ... earning a berth to the last 3 championship games. During this time, John has impacted the lives of a host of young souls who were looking to continue their love of our beloved game by not only offering a top notch program, but also establishing a personal connection with the overwhelming majority. John is a most engaging personality, quick with his acerbic wit, warm and personable in conversation, brutally honest and accurate in evaluation, and the first in line to give the shirt off his back. Constantly striving to know more, teach more, lead more and give more, he is one of the most respected in the game, known nationally in reputation. If that's not enough, as first co-op coordinator and now co-op manager for GC, he has established himself as one of the most respected components of Canada's leading career placement colleges. 

This is a man that you definitely want to meet!

The success of GC State, as it is affectionately coined, may have been led by Dagg, but it has not happened without quality assistance from others "cut from the same cloth" to fill in the necessary extras. One of the longest standing assistants is a still relatively young Josh "JayMo" Morgan who made the transition from player to coach following a stellar playing career that involved much success at first Barrie Central, then Barrie RFC, and the Guelph Gryphons prior to donning the blue and black of GC. Josh is a rugby enigma that I first met when he played for me at Central. Although physically gifted and tremendously talented, he burst into the limelight in his senior high school years, first as a "Super-Sub" then a team leader, on route to a few OFSAA medals, following it up with a storied career as a Gryphon, before adopting a player-coach role at GC, early in my involvement. Josh is the personification of the saying, "He wears his heart on his sleeve" and has been a beacon of positive energy around JC Massie Field for 7 or 8 eight years. Not all that different from Dagg ... high praise ... he is beloved by many for his ability to foster engaging friendships while still maintaining the player-coach dynamic, and his "Let's go scrum engine!" cheers are legendary in both volume and sincerity. I'm indeed privileged to have his friendship. 

He is also a guy you want to meet!

Paul Lemmon, Mike Sabourin, and Mike Alcombrack have all hitched their carts to the GC team over the last few years, first as friends of the program through the college's interwoven relationship with the Barrie RFC, then as passionate and knowledgeable assistants who have helped shape the GC program into the Juggernaut it has become. 

Paul Lemmon and I go waaaaaay back! As a standout BRFC player, he took me under his wing when I was still a young man, and shared his winning ways. A man of few words, his quietness belies the smouldering competitiveness that lies just below the surface, and is easily one of the most intelligent people I have a personal connection to. Preferring to work in the background, Lem is quick to interject a brilliant insight or three into any discussion. Once you get past the quiet outer shell, you quickly learn that his smile is quick, his wit is sharp, his warmth is wide and his compassion is endless. I greatly value his continuing friendship!

Mike Sabourin, if he doesn't mind my honesty, has quickly fashioned himself to be an outstanding young coach through a constant quest to learn as much as he can in the shortest length of time. While he has rapidly built himself into an extremely knowledgeable and competent coach, it is his innate ability to create quick, deep connections with players that endears him to the program. He has been integral in support of players who needed that extra little bit to navigate the pitfalls of college life. I am confident in saying that he is directly responsible for the successful careers of a host of young men who have represented GC as either go-to's or supporters. I am touched that he values our friendship as much as I do.

I have know Mike Alcombrack for a number of years, dating back to the 90's when he was a standout multi-sport athlete at Barrie North, but we have cemented our friendship over the recent few years, sharing space at Barrie North when I transitioned after the closing of Central, as we jointly steered the Viking's rugby ship toward it's first OFSAA Consolation Championship. As a integral component of the rising success of the Barrie RFC, "Alky" has been a present personality at GC training sessions as he and his Sr men's team offered advice and tutelage to the GC forwards. Moving sideways from player to coach, he officially joined the GC coaching staff this season. Not surprisingly different from the others I've described above, Mike's engaging, passionate, compassionate nature has been a welcomed addition to an already All Star cast. Add all that to the fact that he considers me a friend and I'm most honoured.

Like Dagg and JayMo, these are 3 guys you absolutely want to meet!

There are a handful of players from the 2021 team that have likely played their last games for GC, and while I know a few fairly well through the time I coached them, there are 3 that I will center out because there's a strong likelihood that our off-pitch friendship will continue going forward. 

The "youngest" of those relationships is with BNC grad Duncan Montague. An extremely likeable, passionate, and engaging young man, I quickly gravitated toward Dunc while coaching him for the 3 years I coached rugby at North, culminating in the 2019 OFSAA Consolation Championship. Having the opportunity to continue our journey through the lens of college rugby was an added bonus. His commitment, passion, leadership and spirit certainly helped with the quest for the 2021 season. Thanks Dunc!

I feel that I was blessed with the opportunity to develop a relationship with Donovan Jacko. Coming to GC following a university experience in Windsor that included a football career, "Donny" was a mature presence ... he recently just turned 30! ... that loaned a stability to the GC program, especially in the backs, as a host of "young bucks" came and went during his accolade-filled years. His quiet, calm demeanour belies the ferocity with which he plays the game, but it is his consistency that separates him from many, leading to many OCAA All Star nominations. A consummate family man whose wife and darling daughters are ever present on the sidelines, Donny has now set the standard by which all others after will be measured. You're one of a kind Donny!

My longest relationship is with Matt "TeamStar" Triemstra whom I first met when he was a Gr 9 skinny, lanky younger brother of his sister Brittany who played basketball for me at Central. That started a 7 year friendship that survived the closing of Central, the transition to North, and the graduation to GC State as he grew and matured into a tremendously affable and talented young man. TeamStar and I have shared A LOT of success over the years in a variety of sports, but I will forever love the easy smile and quick "Hey P" he offers every time we meet. It's rare these days to share such a lengthy journey with an athlete and I certainly hold ours dearly in my memories. Thanks a million Matty!

Following the theme of this post, these are 3 incredible young men that you definitely want to meet!

So, to go back to the question of why I was miffed that I couldn't watch the game, it's because I share a kindred spirit with so many involved that, other than Dagg and JayMo, haven't hoisted the championship trophy with, but that has not tarnished the experience in any way, shape or form. 

Blessed with a HUGE win, folks, I truly am blessed.
Congratulations to the entire team for another outstanding season!
Oh, another medal!
Too much awesomeness!

200th Blog post

I thoroughly enjoy writing these posts! 

WAAAAAY back in September of 2019 I had the crazy notion to write a Blog about my final semester in education, but somehow along that path, it morphed into a zany collection of thoughts, opinions, advice and wonderment, finally landing right here, right now, 200 posts later. Some may recall reading that I chose to self-publish the first 100 into a book, so it makes perfect sense ... at least to me ... to publish the second 100 into volume 2, and to cap off that stream of verbal diarrhea, here's a smattering of things that have happened recently that stirred an emotional reaction in me, in no particular order.

Joining the Dark Side

My facebook friend Kurt commented on a recent photo I shared of me in my brand-spanking-new basketball referee's outfit that I had crossed over to the Dark Side, an obvious play on the plight of young Anakin Skywalker of Star Wars fame. Kurt and I kindled our friendship while volunteering for Basketball Ontario in their Elite Development Program. We have since crossed paths in club basketball and shared a few fond memories of clashes past, so it will prove quite interesting if in the sometime future I get assigned to officiate one of his games. 

What many reading this Blog may not know is that I did a boatload of basketball refereeing many moons ago when my focus of choice was the hardcourt before straying sideways for the greener pitches of rugby. As a member of BDABR (Barrie and District Approved Basketball Referees), I earned my way up to the OCAA level doing a few Georgian College games before ultimately hanging up the official's whistle in 2007 when I was hired as Head Coach for Georgian. Returning to refereeing will serve an interesting journey, part because of my age, part because of "getting back in the saddle", and part because the rules have changed from NCAA to FIBA.

My first game started out with a little awkwardness, but the mojo quickly returned, and despite some errors in mechanics, I would say that it was a quantifiable success. It was a U13 girls club game and the energy was palpable as these Uber athletic young women pressured the heck out of each other for the most of the game, leading to a wide variety bumbles, stumbles, rumbles and jumbles. It wouldn't be club if one of the coaches didn't attempt to manipulate yours truly with loud inquiries about rules infractions he viewed differently than I, but I am proud to report that we arrived at a common understanding 1/3 of the way into the game, with the appropriate focus settling on the girls and their play as the game progressed. The feedback from my partner, an experienced veteran, was mostly positive with a short list of work-ons that I was most appreciate to receive. 

Tales from the war chest

It's no surprise that life in education continues to provide a number of humorous eyebrow-raising moments, and when I was recently supplying for a friend in her Gr 9 girl's HPE class, the proverbial table was set for a memory maker. As the girls trickled out of the change room, they were greeted by my wrinkled, masked face as I gathered them round to explain that their teacher was absent but had left a comprehensive plan for them. My query about numbers was met with a shrug that there were 3 left in the change room still so I asked one of them to attempt to speed them up. I should have guessed that this had potential for generating a story when she returned with a awkward look, a sheepish shrug, and a, "They said there's an issue."

Being old and retired, I took matters into my own hands, marched to the change room door, cracked it a bit and called out in my best teacher voice, "Ladies, could we please get a move on so I can get the class going?" The response was something that 30+ years of education had not prepared me for. "We can't. My tampon's stuck." Now, a sensible person would have left it at that, but you can probably guess that wasn't going to happen here, and I immediately regretted it when I replied, "Does it take 3 of you to deal with it?" Not to be out done, the retort was a prompt, "They're helping me." Too much information, I thought, so I inquired, "Do you need me to call someone?" A different voice now, "Give us 5 minutes?"

I got the rest organized and active, and eventually the trio emerged with a school girl flourish of giggling, the class playing out like I would have hoped. When I contacted my friend with an explanation of the encounter, simply as an FYI should the story be addressed upon her return, she confided in me that the situation was the latest in schemes that HPE-avoiders were using designed to unarm any well-meaning teacher. Regardless of that, it certainly made for a humorous tale when shared with the rest of the HPE'ers in the office later that day.

A steep learning curve

I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned it previously, but Joyce and I decided unanimously if we were moving to a new community, we would rent for a year, rather than buy, so we could get a feel for both the change in location and the downsizing to the condo life. I am happy to report that we both quite enjoy the community that is Guelph with it's plethora of active-lifestyle amenities, and other than the omni-present traffic noise of living on a busy road, the condo life has been an overwhelming success. Getting out and about the city on walks, we've had plenty of opportunity to discuss the situation at length, fostering a short but important list of Must-Haves for the purchase of our own condo. 

We are quickly learning, since we've only ever purchased one home, the one we sold in the spring, that finding the "perfect" replacement will test both our resolve and patience as the search has proved to be an arduous process. Armed with a list of parameters to filter the choices, not the least of which is cost in today's crazy real estate market, we have spent a goodly amount of time online and even ventured out to take a look at a few listings. I'm not sure just how committed we are yet since we've signed a year-long lease and it isn't due until next spring. We aren't above looking into breaking the lease should we find something that tickles our fancy, but we're not in any sort of rush, and the places we've looked into definitely do not check all of the boxes. The good news is that we are narrowing down the search parameters; the bad news is those same parameters significantly narrow the choices. 

Although the unknown is anxiety provoking, we are absolutely pleased with our rental for now, aside from the aforementioned noise of the road off our balcony, but at least the level is reduced by the dropping temperature's requirement to keep the windows closed. 

Celebrations with cake

This is a busy week, at least when it comes to celebrating life events! I share a birthday with my mother-in-law and her brother so there's an increased level of excitement, not the least of which is being able to blow out the candles for a 92-year and 96-year old! It makes turning 58 seem sort of insignificant but I am sure the day's treats will help smooth that over nicely. Like so many families, the question surrounding dinner and cake choices bring a small twinge of panic as one mentally sifts through all of life's most enjoyable moments, searching for an appropriate choice to duplicate. Even at my wrinkliest, it still causes a small spike in my heart rate. I will report that while the dinner choice is yet to be determined, the "cake" choice has solidified. I put "cake" in italics because my choice is more of a bread ... A cinnamony, sweet treat Joyce has made for me in the past that we curiously call Monkey Bread. I really don't know where the moniker came from but it is way up there in my list of favourite treats! Picture small balls of bread rolled in cinnamon sugar baked in a Bundt pan. Oooey and Gooey only partially fit the bill!

To cap off the birthday week I'll be spending some time with my brothers. With all of us in our 50's now, our lives have become crazy busy, and with my mom's sale of our childhood home and it's copious amount of space, we don't get together as much as we used to. The pandemic didn't help either. Last spring I reached out to them with an invite to rehash, rekindle, and reminisce while we share a pint or two. I am thrilled that we have found a day that fits everyone's schedule to have the 2nd annual. As I've written previously, we are all quite different, but for us it means that sharing time is an interesting affair.

Bdeep, Bdeeep, Bdeep ... That's all Folks!