When tact is not enough

I recently fielded a call from a friend who sought my perspective on a situation he was going through with his child. He was curious, given my educational and coaching experience, if I had some advice for him in dealing with a personality conflict he was having with his child's coach. I was honoured by his request, and we had a really neat conversation about the issue and a few other things related to it.

It became evident, as my friend methodically explained the back story, that the interactions between his child and the coach involved were starting to become the proverbial "burr under the saddle." In the opinion of my friend, the interactions were often harsh, tersely worded, and negative in overall feel. My counsel was sought on how to best approach the coach to address his growing concerns about the long term mental health of his child.

At first, I was a little guarded about giving advice because I felt I was only getting one side of the situation and I really didn't feel it was my place to intervene. I wanted to ensure I completely understood the concerns before offering thoughts, since things can appear one way initially but become quite different when all is revealed and discussed. As my friend thoroughly explained why this concerned him so greatly, and what he had already tried, it became apparent that the issue was born out of a realistic fear that there could be lasting damaging effects if not addressed. 

I am acutely aware that coaching styles vary widely, and it really does make a huge difference if the coach is professionally trained versus a successful competitor now attempting to pass on some gems to the next generation. I wish to be clear that I am not painting everyone with the same brush, but some are naturally better at social interactions than others. Those who really struggled for success, and made coaching a quest for improved skills and knowledge, tend to better understand the communication of critical skills and knowledge. Those that were "naturals" tend to have a more difficult time communicating with students who aren't of the same make up. As our conversation proceeded, it was my understanding that my friend's assessment of the situation was of the latter nature.

When it came time to share my thoughts, I chose to use some of my 30+ years experience to explain the science behind coach-athlete interactions, the biology behind prolonged negativity with its effect on developing brains, and how to broach an emotion-charge situation ... not unlike defusing an irate parent in a classroom scenario. 

 

First: The use of 3 positives followed by 1 work-on has been researched at length and is well established as good pedagogy. It has been long proven that people all do not respond well to ranting and raving, and children are especially good at shutting down in a self-preservation mode. A barrage of negativity is not the way to deal with children.

 

Second: The phenomenon of synaptic pruning ... a process that takes place in developing brains where unused/unnecessary pathways are left to fallow in favour of solidifying well used/necessary pathways ... was integral to this situation. My friend's child was on the younger side, was passionate about the activity, and was doing a decent job of handling the negativity, but even the strongest of minds will eventually succumb to the constant criticism. The long term detrimental effects were a real possibility.

 

Third: Addressing concerns coming from a parental viewpoint is always a minefield, but especially with coaches who have grown accustomed to this "style" ... kind of like the saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Considering all of the factors in this particular scenario, my advice was to approach the conversation focussing on the mental health and safety of my friend's young child with hopes that the "elephant in the room", when addressed in a professional, calm and diplomatic manner, would serve as an epiphany and prompt positive change.

I really don't envy my friend. The coach and his child have been together for a lengthy period and it is my understanding that the situation has been addressed once before, obviously with little or no consistent change. My friend's family wishes to stay with this coach because there is a transition that is coming that would be difficult to manage, considering the time it would take to establish a new coach. Basically, the family is left with only one option. That's a tough situation to find one's self in.

Hopefully I was a little help and things have worked out for the better. It's nice to know that all of those hours I spent over all of those years can be put to use, even in retirement.

Yay me and best of luck to my friend.

Super Rugby is BACK!

This coming weekend is round three of the newly coined Super Rugby Aotearoa, the pandemic version of the best professional rugby being played. I am stoked about filling a small portion of the pandemic induced void with the entertainment might of my beloved Crusaders of Christchurch, the reining Super Rugby champions, a feat accomplished 10 times since the league's inception in 1996.

 

Having made the above statement, I accept all of the grief that I will incur for choosing the southern hemisphere's offering ahed of the norther hemisphere's version. The beauty of life in Canada in these times is the right to bear an opinion, and I'm exercising that 100%. I suppose that my allegiance to the NZ All Blacks as my favourite rugby nation dovetails nicely into my support of a Kiwi team in a southern hemisphere league. A significant influence on my Crusader fanaticism centers around my appreciation for the leadership of Scott Robertson, their head coach. His tradition-busting inclination has provided the coach in me endless giddy moments of "Would ya look at that?" over his tenure.

 

In the event you're not a rugby fan with little or no knowledge of Super Rugby, you should understand that being a fan in Canada was an exercise in frustration for a number of years due to geo-restrictions on streaming the action. Thankfully, someone intelligent at TSN spearheaded the initiative to include coverage of the Super Rugby, albeit at God awful hours of the day, thanks to the +16 hour time difference. Not to be outdone, this old bear faithfully drags his sorry arse out of bed in the wee hours for a weekly fix, provided that it's on one of the TSNs that I can get ... I'm on a fixed income after all. If you're at all interested in watching, here's a link to TSN's coverage CLICK HERE. 

 

In Round One, the inaugural Super Rugby Aotearoa game ended in a thriller, as the Highlanders snatched a last-gasp 28-27 win over the Chiefs in Dunedin. 

In another beauty on Sunday, as the Blues overpowered the Hurricanes 30-20 in front of a capacity crowd at Eden Park. Beauden Barrett debuted for the Blues against his old side.

In Round Two, The Blues proved too slick for the Chiefs in slippery conditions on Saturday, emerging victorious 24-12 for their first win in Hamilton since 2011. 

In the other game, the Crusaders survived a scare in round two of Super Rugby Aotearoa on Sunday, making it six wins on the bounce against the Hurricanes with a 39-25 victory in Wellington.

If you get "bitten by the bug" and wish to start following the league, the Super Rugby Aotearoa YouTube page is HERE.

Non-Athletic things every Athlete should do

Grant Jenkins is Performance Coach, Accredited Exercise Physiologist, Educator and Speaker with over 20 years experience. He has received the distinguished recognition of being awarded ‘Master Coach’ by the Australian Strength & Conditioning Association – the highest level of qualification in Australia. Here's a link to his site CLICK HERE.

He has shared many fantastic thoughts since I have followed him on Twitter but the following list really struck me. I recently discovered this in my own coaching files. I had intended to use it but never got around to it, and I thought it might be of interest to some of you. I modified his original information to suit my own coaching needs but the essence is the same.

Non-athletic things that every athlete should do:

1) Thank your Parents and/or supporters

First of all, without them, there is no you. So, just thank them. Thank them for driving you to training .. and to competition ... and paying for both ... and giving up their weekends so you can compete. While you're thanking them, give them a big hug.

This is a MUST for all athletes. Show gratitude and appreciation. That's the least they deserve.

2) Have an Athletic Portfolio ready

If you want to compete at any level, training for sport and competing in sport has become expensive. So it helps you and your parents to have some sponsors that can help you. An athlete should have an ‘Athlete Portfolio’ ... a resume for your sporting achievements that you can hand over to any potential sponsor at any time. It's not bragging. It's a list of how much you've accomplished.

You never know who will wish to support the things that you are striving for. The burden is not solely your parent's to bear. Resist the natural inclination to feel embarrassed by asking for help.

3) Have friends that don’t compete in your sport (or sports)

It’s easy to only hang around those that compete in the same sport as you but it’s better if you have friends outside of that circle that have different interests than you. They will remind you that there is more to life than your sport.

Balance ... it's all about balance ... I have seen so many youngsters burn out by focusing solely on their chosen sport, at the expense of everything else. Live some, Work some, Play some.

4) Coach a younger athlete (or be their mentor)

Remember how awesome it was when one of the older athletes chatted with you or helped you out? Well, it’s good idea to pass that on to an athlete that is younger than you. Take them under your wing, ask about their training or their performance or invite them to come train with you for a while. They’ll love it and you’ll learn from it.

Pay it forward. No ifs, buts or maybes. I have always preached to my players that their legacy to the program is to make younger players better than they were. As the old teaching adage goes, "You never really know if you understand something until you teach it to someone else."

5) Keep all your doors open

You will reach a time when it’ll be tough to participate in other sports and still improve in your main one but keep participating in those sports as long as possible. You never know what might happen or when it’ll happen, so keep all your doors open for as long as possible.

A quick anecdote: My son Keaton was a very talented basketball player. It was his first love but he played a wide variety of sports growing up. When he reached high school, he realized that his genetics were working against him when he stopped growing up and started growing out. He made the switch to rugby and never looked back, representing both Ontario and Canada before retiring in his early 20's.

6) Keep your room (or living area) tidy

There are two reasons for this; Firstly, a cluttered room often means a cluttered mind and great performances rely on laser sharp focus. Secondly, your parents or your roommates will really appreciate it. Give your living area a deep clean and keep it that way. You know it doesn’t take that much effort!

The most successful rugby team for the past number of years has been the All Blacks of New Zealand. One of their foundational statements is "Sweep the sheds".... an expectation that the team leaders are the last out of the training room and ensure that it is clean and orderly. 

7) Clean and carry your own equipment

I have a rule for all my Athletes: Carry and clean your own equipment. This will help keep you respectful and humble. It will also ensure you take responsibility for all facets of your participation.

Do some research of the most successful individuals and teams across all sporting activities and you'll find that this is a common theme. I have always preached to my athletes that all facets of their activity are their responsibility, and that includes equipment.

8) Be a good person. No one likes arrogance but there's nothing wrong with confidence. If you've worked really hard on your skills and you perform at a higher level, there's nothing wrong with be happy about that. Remember, it's easy to be a jerk, but it takes work to be a good person.

Always support your team mates in their pursuit of elite performance. Having said that, I believe strongly that if you are putting a lot of extra time, energy and expense improving your skills in pursuit of better performance, and others on your team (if there is a team) are not keeping up their end, politely and compassionately tell them one to one how you feel. 

9) Always remember that there's more to sport than the physical stuff

When you strive to be elite, and you work hard to get to that level, you'll find out that physically there's not as much difference between elite athletes, but there's a HUGE difference between their mental prep, nutritional habits and recovery techniques. Always ask questions of those who are already successful. You'll quickly find out that they are likely willing to share their experience.

No successful athlete got there on their own, and when it comes to the elite level, no successful athlete is there based solely on talent. The vast amount of elite success comes with recovery techniques that include both physiotherapy, diet and sleep. Once the body is performing at its peak levels, the only avenue for improvement is the mental aspect. Seek some outside help with this one ... it will be worth it.

10) Last, but certainly not least,  go THANK your Coach

Even if your Coach gets paid, it is almost guaranteed that they do more than is expected of them. Send them a text, give them a call or write a note. Just say thanks and know you have made someone very happy.

The fact of the matter is that people who are shown appreciation will be far more willing to go above and beyond in future dealings. Your coach is your primary resource and deserves a sincere thank you.

Coach Ps Perspective

Recently, while cruising the Social Media sea in the early morning hours, I came across a Serena Williams post that included the text below. She includes the #repost hashtag so I'm assuming that these were not her words, but regardless of the author, these are some pretty powerful thoughts contained within it. Despite the obvious skew toward an American perspective ... a simple edit would make it distinctly Canadian ... I was left to deeply ponder the state of my world and how I fit into it.

I’m sick of COVID-19. I’m sick of black vs. white. I’m sick of Democrats vs. Republicans. I’m sick of gay vs. straight. I’m sick of Christians vs atheists. I’m REALLY sick of the media. I’m sick of no one being allowed to think what they want & feel what they do without offending someone. I am sick of the nosey ass people who call the cops when anyone does anything they don’t approve of. I am sick of blaming the whole for the sins of a few.

We’re one race—the human race. You want to support President Trump? You do you. It’s your choice. You want to support Biden? Fine... also your choice! You want to believe in God? Okay, believe in God. You want to believe in magical creatures that fly around & sprinkle fairy dust to make life better? Awesome... you do you.

BUT stop thrusting your beliefs on others & not being able to deal with the fact that they don’t have the same exact mind-set as you. Having our own minds is what makes us all individual and beautiful. If you can’t handle the fact that you may have a friend that has opposing views as you, then you are not any better than the bigots and the racists. I don’t have to agree with everything you believe to be a decent human being & your friend ❤️

#repost #beyourself #iamwhoiam #youdoyou

I am in debt to the original author of these words, whomever he, she or they may be, for gathering all of the angst I have been feeling into a single place. I, too, am growing weary of the constant bickering between opposing sides of whichever argument is being bandied around. Yes, some of the identified issues are larger than the others, and deservedly so due to their severity, but the point is not that one is more important than the other. The point is that we are being bombarded from all sides with negativity surrounding the general populace's inability to allow people to hold their own views without someone identifying themselves as offended. This is not a new phenomenon. It has been part of the human condition since history has been recorded, and likely even well before that. Think the Crusades ... the Inquisition ... the Nazis ... the Residential Schools ... the list is very long, but that doesn't make me feel any better. When will it all stop?

The #youdoyou hashtag has profound wisdom contained within its letters. When did it become everyone else's business which side of the coin I fall on? As the quote points out, as long as I don't impose my beliefs as being right and yours being wrong, insisting that you change to match my views, then what does it matter? Listen, I completely understand and support that there are exceptions to that statement ... racism is never okay, fascism in any form is a problem, purposely harming anyone physically or mentally cannot be tolerated ... but take it as it was intended. This "I'm offended" attitude that has gripped the public mindset has to go the way of the Dodo. You're only offended because you're intolerant.

From my perspective on the back deck, the crux of the matter is people's inability to "let sleeping dogs lie" and be content with the quality of life they have made for themselves. A quick web search will provide an nearly endless list of articles and videos surrounding making the most of your life, something that many seem to, IMHO, lost sight of. Being comfortable in your own skin, and taking responsibility for your station in life is paramount to happiness. Constantly comparing yourself to those around you is a condemning exercise guaranteeing extended periods of depression, quite simply because your particular circumstances are vastly different than mine or anyone else's. Constant comparisons only beget heartache.

#beyourself and #iamwhoiam speak volumes, when it comes to accepting myself, with all of my warts, wrinkles, and faults. I honestly don't mind someone disagreeing with me, and I take no offense if someone stays true to a different opinion. I value friendships that include healthy discourse about emotional topics but culminate in a smile, laugh and handshake. I am comfortable in my own skin, I enjoy spending time alone, I am pleased with what I have accomplished in my years, and I am content with how things have turned out through conscientious actions. I have few regrets and blame no one for the ones I do have.

Everything I've written here is nicely summed up in the infographic at the right. I love this! It's honest, in-your-face message speaks to me on a visceral level. I am not sure who the author is but I'm willing to bet they are pretty okay with where they are in life.

Go with a "glass half full" attitude ... Just like the graphic at the beginning ... focus on the good stuff!

Father's Day in a pandemic

It's Father's Day soon, and being blessed with a pandemic infused plethora of time, I have invested in some pondering what that day means to me, now that I have reached this particular stage in life. Gone are the gifts of ties, mugs, crafts and treats; Hello to texts, phone calls and FB posts. That's not a complaint in any way, shape or form ... quite the opposite, actually. 

According to History.com, "The nation’s first Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in the state of Washington. However, it was not until 1972, 58 years after President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day official–that the day honouring fathers became a nationwide holiday in the United States. Father’s Day 2020 occurs on Sunday, June 21." Click here

I have 3 fantastic moments in my life ... I have thousands of great moments, but I only have 3 fantastic ones. They are all tied to being a father.

It's a three-way tie starting with August 17, 1991, the day I married my "best-est" friend and apple of my eye, my wife Joyce, but the other two would be November 1993 and February 1996 because those were the months that my children were born. The rest of my life's moments have been great and I truly have only minor regrets, but all of it pales in comparison with those 3 times. Without them, there would be no Father in Father's Day, for me. 

Being a father is tough work! Reflecting deeply, from my personal perspective, the job's not quite at the same toughness level as being a mother, but it's close. As Bill Cosby once said, "I'm not the boss of my house. I don't think I ever was. But I've seen the boss' job and I don't want it!" I have tried to be as good a father as I was capable of but you'll have to ask my children for the final assessment. I will tell you that I am damn proud of the adults that my children have become, albeit vastly different, and I have great faith that their mother and I have prepared them to handle the "Trials of Life" the best that we could.

My daughter Maddison runs a Sports Medicine clinic, one of the satellite clinics for Barrie Sports Medicine. She has inherited some of my Type A-ness and, IMHO, is very good at her job, a fact that is echoed by her co-workers. She possesses great people skills, is highly intelligent, is self-motivated, and possesses empathy off the chart. She graduated from Waterloo in KIN with a mid 80's average, not a feat to be scoffed at. Although she has gifted her incredible friendship abilities to many over the years, she saves the most sincere and passionate version for her fiancee Chris (a Waterloo Engineering alum), and we couldn't be happier for both of them. Just like her own mother, she will be an amazing parent when that happens because there are limitless boundaries on her ability to love. 

My son Keaton is a mechanic. He has always gravitated towards activities that were physical in nature, deriving great comfort from being able to "get his hands dirty". He plied that passion into a stellar athletic career, his penultimate accomplishment being selected to represent our country as a member of the U20 National Rugby Team. He also decided early on in high school that, although equally intelligent as his sister, he would follow the apprenticeship pathway and it's academically simpler course load. This meant that he could take a schedule heavy with "hands on" courses, a decision I know that he has never regretted. Like Maddi, he possesses great people skills and is self-motivated, but he is quite fine spending time with his own company. He is a quick learner, a skill that has allowed him to endear himself to his employers, as well as his co-workers.

I couldn't be prouder of being their father and, if I do say so myself, my wife and I deserve a hearty pat on the back for our accomplishments. This will be my first Father's Day as a retired guy but I won't be waiting around for the day to arrive. I've already taken stock of my little corner of Life and I'm pretty pleased with what I see. Maddi and KP, I love you both very, very much!

It really shouldn't come as a surprise. I had a great role model in my own father. 

Happy Father's Day to my dad, Terry "Doc" Porter. 

There isn't a day that passes where I don't miss having you around to see where my family has ended up. 

I miss the ability to have your guidance as life throws me its curveballs. 

I feel badly that you have missed watching your grandkids grow into amazing adults.

I hope that you are in a great place ... you deserve it after dedicating your life to everyone else's health.

I love you.

#randomactsofcanadian

So many around the globe are envious of Canada. The natural beauty, the resources, and the variety of terrain aside, the people of Canada are respected across the globe for their generosity and compassion. There are millions of examples but each and every day I am reminded of why I am so proud to be a citizen. RBC has launched a web site called Random Acts of Canadian, hence the hashtag title, and I thought this was a shareable story.

Here's the story about my recent experience.

I was traversing the country roadways of Oro-Medonte, enjoying the brilliant sunshine, the summer-like temperatures, the picturesque rural countryside, and the oh so familiar anaerobic burn from pushing myself to the edge of my comfort level, when a curious sound began to emanate from my front wheel, 30 kms into a 40 km ride. Pulling over to the safety of the sandy shoulder, I quickly surmised that I had joined another biking club ... the You've-Been-Stranded-By-A-Flat one. 

The backstory on this particular escapade is noteworthy. Despite the wonderful weather, I had not been able to take advantage for a decent ride so I was itching to get out and about. I decided that I needed a jolt of cardio so I went out the Simcoe County Rail Trail to OM's 11th line, north to East Oro, and headed back toward Barrie on the 15/16 side road with the intention of heading back to the waterfront via OM's 3rd line. It was about a kilometre from highway 11 when, for some yet unknown reason, my front tube gave up the ghost. 

I settled myself into the potential of a long walk home, but upon reaching the crest of the hill to the overpass, I happened upon the old Hilltop Storage buildings. There was a man working out front, jockeying around some classic cars, so I decided to see if he had a pump I could borrow. I have to admit that I was a little anxious given the climate that we are in, and it became apparent that he felt the same, judging by his hesitant body language. The conversation went a COMPLETELY different route than I had anticipated!

When I recounted my issue, he stopped briefly, sized me up, scratched his chin, and then replied, "Well, who knows if your tire will make it all the way back to Barrie, so I guess the better choice is to throw your bike in the back of my pick up and I'll drive you home. I'm in the middle of something, but give me 5 minutes and we'll get you home." I was dumbfounded that he would even offer, and despite my immediate refusal for not wishing to put him out, he became more convinced it was the right decision.

Doug, as I would later find out, was the owner of the storage facility that sits right at the overpass on line 3. I had always seen the signs for Hilltop Storage as I travelled south on highway 11 but I found out that the name had changed to Jodie Storage. Doug asked a friend, who I would later find out was named Bonnie, to drive me. Considering the pandemic, I offered to pull my shirt up over my face but she was having none of that saying, "We'll be fine. You seem like a really nice guy so I'm sure you'd say something if you were concerned."

In the end, we had a nice visit on the ride back to Barrie. Bonnie would not take any money for gas so I offered to give Jodie Storage a shout out on Social Media. That's when I found out about the name change and the owner's name. If you have storage needs in the Oro-Medonte area, give Doug a holler or visit his web site at https://www.jodiegroup.com/ or email at dbevan@jodiestorage.com.

Life is Good ... But Doug and Bonnie are better!

Meet Remington!

Considering that we didn't have a dog when both of our kids were growing up ... we were cat people ... they both have decided to take the canine plunge. I already wrote about KP's Great Dog Debacle, and now our daughter Maddison and her fiancee, Chris, recently decided to make their lives far more complicated when they welcomed a fluffy black tornado of energy into their home.

Meet Remington, the Portuguese Water Dog. 

Maddi + Chris could not be happier with the new addition to her family, but the jury is still out for their 2-year old orange tabby named Pekoe. Pekoe and Remington have thus far shown that they can "play" together but I am sure a minor conflict will erupt in the near future. I had a dog when I was growing up, but I was pretty young when it was a puppy, and those memories have long since faded. I fear that I will be of zero use to them as they stumble their way through the Remington experience.

I have to admit that his big black eyes immediately melted my heart, and his ever-moving puppy-ness is hilarious. So far, the only annoying thing is his habit of nipping. Oh, I completely understand that it is perfectly normal puppy behaviour but that doesn't lower the pain of the gashes on your hands after a romp in the grass with him. Much energy and attention is being expended in training the nips out of his behaviour, and progress is definitely being made. 

One of the funnier things he does ... apologies for including body function stories ... happens when the urge for a #2 comes on. Remy can't ignore the wonders of his environment to take the time to finish the job and a trail of excrement is the proof. It is quite the sight watching the dichotomy of his body as the rear end needs to do its duty but the front end is still moving and grooving. 

Remy is a little over 2 months old right now, and like all toddlers, has an insatiable curiousity that often lands in dab smack in the middle of something he's not supposed to be involved with. From digging up the freshly planted gardens, to chewing on much of thatch, to gnawing on bush branches, and even nip-induced tears at clothing, he's a going concern. 

My good friends Ron and Cathy Andrews were the first people I knew personally that owned a "Porty" and they appropriately named him Gilbert. Over the years I got to know Gilbert fairly well, with all of his PWD quirks, so I had an inkling of how high maintenance the breed can be. Ron's advice was to be prepared for 3 years of puppy-ness, and based on what I have seen on our visits, I can't doubt those words.

Following the theme created by this pandemic ... Life will be a NEW normal ... Maddi + Chris will most certainly find that an evening relaxing on the couch may not occur quite as often as in the past. I am sure they will not regret a single moment, and Remington will be the source of vast amounts of happiness and humour.

God bless them.

Another victim of this pandemic

I recently received the news that the OCAA had decided, in response to the Corona Virus pandemic, to cancel this upcoming fall season impacting college Rugby, Cross Country and Golf. While not a shock, hearing that it is a fait accompli still smacks you upside the head. 

Georgian College, like so many other post secondary institutions, had already announced that it will offer many of its wide array of courses in on-line delivery, coming this fall. That potentially created an issue for our Rugby management group, with respect to players. A number had contacted us saying that they were thinking of deferring their education for a year because they were not endeared to cyber-learning. Would we have enough players to actually field a team? 

Well, that's not a relevant issue any more.

After last season's loss in the OCAA championship, I was convinced that I would step away from coaching to enjoy life on the opposite sideline. A series of events lured me back into the saddle, and our management group planned and prepared for the fall, energy that now proves to be wasted. I have to admit that I'm a little sad about that ... like I've lost a friend ... so a "pick me up" was in order. 

So, in this time of Social Distancing, how do you deal with that disappointment? You have an old fashioned Irish wake, or at least our version of one, in the company of friends like John Daggett, Mike Sabourin, and Josh Morgan.

Deciding that we could still share some thoughts, some laughs, and some adult beverages all while keeping our distance, a memorable night in the glorious backyard co-coach J-Mo, enjoying his magnificent deck and gas fire pit, was had by all. No subject was off limits as this cadre of rugby fellows discussed and debated topics ranging from rugby (no duh), the future of schools, the pandemic's effects, how to manage the cancellation, and even Michael Jordan's "Last Dance". True to form, I had plenty of opinions to share on most subjects and, with apologies to J-Mo's wife Chloe and their neighbours, occasionally slipped into a coaching volume. Old dogs, people, that's where I'm at in my life. 

I had been proud of myself for planning ahead for the evening's festivities by choosing my trusty bicycle as the preferred method of transport. When the evening wound to its inevitable close, I was faced with certain balance issues that prompted the long walk home with my bicycle in tow. I am embarrassed to say that the walk was likely a good deal more steps than it would normally be thanks largely to the previously mentioned balance issues, but as coach Mike said, "It wouldn't be a proper Irish Wake unless the path home was winding." Ahh, sage wisdom from one so young. I am pleased to confirm that I arrived home safely, much to the amusement of my wife, and despite some cobwebs cluttering my thoughts the next day, I and my 56-year old physiology survived. 

The next challenge to be faced will be the conundrum of continuation. Rugby is a fringe sport in Canada, meaning there are less athletes who choose it as they're sport of choice, and taking what amounts to a year and a half off will pose certain difficulties for those of us "herding the cats". We have challenged the player Leadership Group with that very issue ... how do we maintain the momentum? Since Daggett took over, with me joining a year later, it's been 6 straight OCAA medal finishes with another being forecasted based on those who indicated they would return. Compounding this issue will be the absence of club rugby this summer, and with that, the absence of the tight-knit relationship between the Barrie Club players and our program.

So many unanswered questions. 

RIP 2020 OCAA Mens' Rugby season.

You will be missed.

Parenting fringe benefits

After all of the things that we do for our kids as they are learning life's ways, it's quite a nifty feeling when the tables get turned, and recently that's exactly what happened. Our son, Keaton, has chosen the life's calling of auto mechanics, so it made perfect sense that when we finally settled on reducing our personal car allotment, we pay him to fix the minor mechanical issues rather than someone else's child.

We have owned a Toyota Corolla for a while now. It was purchased used a few years ago and has primarily been Joyce's jalopy. It has been a really good car, not a fluke since it's a Toyota, but we're obviously biased. There were some minor issues like brake pads, callipers and rotors that required attention prior to selling ... CLICK HERE if you're interested. Since I am a part of the "DIY Klutz Klub", I am not the person to take a stab at something like that. That's where my Uber talented son comes in ... plus he comes with a gaggle of tools.

The hard part was finding a day that he could make the trek home to Barrie since, as an essential service during this pandemic, he has been working a ton. We could have tried to take it to his place in Guelph but kudos to him, he agreed to come home, pleasing his mother immensely. Another benefit of having a son in the Biz is he gets wholesale prices for parts. Although it's not much of a difference, every little bit I save is better in my pocket than someone else's, which pleased me immensely. 

We've reached that stage in life, much like the famous Harry Chapin diddy "Cats in the Cradle", where we'd love to spend more time with our adult children because we finally have time, but they are wrapped up in living their own lives and are being pulled in different directions. This visit would be a day trip, but at least we got to share a meal ... burgers ... there's not much better than BBQ burgers, IMHO.

None of this a complaint, just a fact of life, not unlike the song ... 

"He's grown up just like me, though. My boy is just like me."

I am please to report that:

All was repaired quickly and properly,

I learned a thing or two from my son,

We enjoyed a lovely visit,

The burgers were most delicious,

There were smiles all around.

For SALE: 2010 Toyota Corolla CE

For SALE: 2010 Toyota Corolla CE

** UPDATE: The car has been sold**

We are selling our 2010 Corolla after many years of fantastic service to our needs. Our son is a mechanic and has replaced the entire front brakes (rotors, pads, callipers) plus serviced the rear drum brakes and replaced the exhaust pipe. The body is in great shape for a 10-year old, Canadian driven car and we are the 2nd owners. The odometer reading is 192 000 and it runs like a charm. It comes with a set of 4-year old winter tires on rims.

We are selling because since retiring in January, we have not required a 2nd car very often. Since we have invested in the repairs, and based on our son's informed advice and Autotrader.ca, we are pricing this little gem at $5200.00. 

Please feel free to contact us

Email: stephenporter@me.com

Phone: 705-721-3804

Please see the photos below.

  

Caution: Considerable bragging ahead!

CAUTION: This post contains numerous incidents of bragging. Reader discretion is advised.

A few posts ago, I wrote a post about my life on the weight loss roller coaster. If you're reading this, and you didn't read that piece, but wish to, CLICK HERE.

As a follow up, I am so please with what I have been able to accomplish since retirement in January, that I felt compelled to do a little bragging. If you're not in the least interested in reading about that, NOW is the time to navigate away. Still here? Don't say I didn't warn you!

THE BACKGROUND:

I really enjoy eating! I admit that unequivocally. As I have written before, I have never knowingly eaten anything by accident. I eat in response to some cues where viewing sports is a HUGE one, but I also eat when I am bored ... perhaps the two are related? I also eat when I am stressed. I can handle the first two, but if I could change any of the three, it would be stress eating. I tell you all this because, in case you're not aware, retirement has a profound effect on your stress levels, basically eradicating it from existence. 

Leading up to retirement, I had allowed myself to creep upwards in weight, where the belly made a reappearance, and I knew that the first order of business was to deal with that. Unlike many who need the feedback of the scale, I can look in the mirror and immediately see my issues. My frame doesn't allow me to fit nicely into any BMI charts, or other indicators of normality, so using the scale for feedback can be misleading. Having spent so much time on that cursed roller coaster, I know when I am feeling better, regardless of what any scale might say. 

CUE THE BRAGGING THEME INTRO:

The plan started with our retirement reward of a month in Florida, thanks largely to my mother's generosity since we stayed with her at her condo. The subtle changes in diet combined with the favourable conditions for more regular exercise were "What the Dr ordered" and the process quickly started, much to my lovely bride's consternation. She is a little less patient with her own body and she would jokingly poke me in the belly to indicate she could see a change, but I knew she was also frustrated that she didn't feel that way about her own body, despite my claims that I could notice a difference. I really could! I wasn't trying to cast any wool over her eyes.

When we arrived back home in Canada, the Social Isolation crap storm ensued, and we brainstormed how we would continue what we started in FLA. I wanted to continue with resistance training because I knew from previous "loop the loops" that it would work for me. We set Joyce up with a daily YouTube workout and established a daily morning routine. As the month turned plural, we stuck with it every morning and supplemented it with aerobic things like bike rides and walks. By the middle of April, we both could feel a difference. I had to bust out some of my "skinny" shorts from the "Big Reduction of 2013" while Joyce noticed a redistribution resulting in loose fitting favourite outfits.

Being a complete Type A personality, I cannot "sort of" exercise, needing to get after it full steam ahead.  That, combined with my heaviness, was not a good recipe for my already wonky knees and I suffered a little set back with a meniscal tear. Fortunately, I discovered that riding the bike didn't aggravate it so cue up the obsession again and regular ventures into the network of Lines and Concessions of Oro and Springwater became the regular choice. 

CUE THE BRAGGING THEME MUSIC:

I am loving the activity! As the graphic at the top of the post shows, I was pretty darn proud of myself for completing the almost 50 km loop from our place near Eastview to the end of Ridge Road at Line 13 of Oro and back again to home along the Rail Trail ... without stopping! Being a NEWB at this bike thing, time is not a focus, but I was tickled to have completed the journey in just over 2 hours. On the list of exercise MUST-HAVEs is to figure out how to keep my hands from falling asleep, but that's just annoying rather than a show stopper. 

I discovered recently while ticking things off the spring Honey-Do list that I can't even wear my "skinny" shorts without a belt or they end up around my ankles, much to the bemusement of my wife. She has finally accepted that I change at a much faster rate than she does, but she has also acknowledged that her persistence is finally begetting the results she longed for. We are looking pretty darn fine for a couple of "wrinkles", if I do say so myself!

There is great interest for both of us as we continue down this road of Social Distancing while that edict is in place. I can certainly see us cementing the habits that will assist us both with our desires, and I don't see us faltering, even when the limits are lifted. 

If we were to offer some unsolicited advice, we would encourage those looking to make a change to:

(A) Invest in an Instapot! We have fallen heavily for ours, a Christmas gift from our son Keaton, because it has made a huge difference in what makes it past our lips. 

(B) Embrace Confucius' sage advice that "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and acknowledge and understand that the key to changing is persistence. 

(C) Schedule in a day each week for all of those treats that you love so dearly. It's not about dogged dedication ... it's about making moderate changes that, over time, make a massive difference.

To again quote my cousin-in-law, Tim Burtch, "Life is Good!"

The time for REAL change is now!

Spoiler Alert!

Some of what has been included in this post may be offensive to some. I am not saying that to absolve or distance myself or justify posting controversial content, but I have to admit that both of these after prompted a pause followed by some deep introspection about what I can do.

Post #1

Aaron Charbonneau posted this on his FB and I hope that he'd be okay with me furthering his informative message. If he's in any way offended, I will immediately take down the post. I did leave him a comment on his post, expressing my appreciation for the manner in which he effectively shared his thoughts. The following was written by an obviously intelligent yet passionate young man who was raised in Chatham, Ontario and has some experience in this ... but I'll let him explain.

My Racial Experience

I am Aaron, a bi-racial man born in Chatham, Ontario, Canada. I live in Kissimmee, Florida, USA. I have been struggling for days, trying to decide what I feel, how I feel, and where I stand on everything that is going on, and how best to explain it.

I appear WHITE. I am not, but I appear white. If you know me well, you will know that I come from a predominantly white side and a predominantly black side. I have an amazing family. On my mother's side, we are all mixed. Black, white, brown, and every shade in between. I am not the “whitest” and certainly not the “blackest”. As a kid I had never considered there to be a racial bias in my family, we were all one great family. But now, as I’m sitting here considering white privilege and how it directly affected me, these are my thoughts:

•On the bus from Blenheim to Chatham for school, I remember one of the kids finding out that my mother’s side of the family was black. I earned my bus nickname: Nig-let. I appear white, yet now I understood, I was not.

•I distinctly remember my cousins in fear of traveling, and questioning me how they treat black people when where we were. I have traveled across the world and in each place it was a different situation, I had never really considered it. I appear white, I don’t really have to worry about that.

•If I don’t gel my hair, someone will comment and say, “You’ve got a fro!” I’m very proud of my hair, i love that it just keeps growing upwards. But yesterday I got my hair cut. I didn’t do it intentionally, but one has to question if I did this to appear less mixed. Did I want to appear white?

All of my experiences growing up are so much different than those of my family, who appear black. I’m frustrated but I realize that this is the white privilege everyone is talking about. I have never been pulled over in my car and felt worried that this police officer could see me in any other way than a white male, possibly speeding. In fact as soon as the lights flash behind me, I pull over, and reach into the glove box for the registration, then I grab my wallet, out of my back pocket for my license… I wonder how this would differ if I didn’t appear white.

This all brings me to the present.

Firstly, what happened to George Floyd was wrong. In every way, it was murder. Whether the cop was white or not, an habitual offender or not, a racist or not. He murdered George Floyd. Secondly, the officers that chose to do nothing, are just as responsible. Full stop.

A couple comments that I have read that absolutely angered me:

• “If I were the one filming, I would have tackled him off George Floyd.” No, you wouldn’t. Consider the fact that the girl who took the video is a 17 year old black girl. Charging a police officer, tackling him off a suspect during an active arrest is an assault on a Police Officer. There were also at least 4 other police officers, although I assume more, that were there to stop that from happening. You would not have tackled him.

• “I understand they’re upset and mad, but they have no right or reason to destroy a city.” Have YOU ever been so frustrated or mad that you couldn’t contain it? Maybe a hole in the wall, ripped a pillow in half, maybe punched the person in the face who called you some name you didn’t like? Imagine the rage you’d feel if you knew that it could have been you that was killed. Imagine the anger you’d feel if your child was begging for their life from the one person who should be there to protect them. Now contain that rage, and act politely and go sit down and have a civilized conversation with that person you cannot reason with. I can’t imagine either, because I appear white. That said, if you do these things, even out of rage, you deserve to be held accountable. That is exactly what you are protesting, that everyone is responsible and should be held accountable and prosecuted for their crimes. Citizens and Police. Even you.

• “If you don’t post about this issue, as a white person, your’e contributing to the racism and you must be racist.” Not necessarily. Maybe you’re as confused as I am. You cannot comprehend that people are out there that would actively want to hurt others. You have the right to remain silent, because you can. But just understand that people want to hear your voice. I know many of my friends will have a tough time reading this. I know I have friends who are not actively racist, but stand on the side that Kapernick’s knee was foolish, that black people are not discriminated against and that’s a media spin, that all police officers are good people. You appear white, and that’s ok. Just understand what is happening and ask questions, educate yourself.

• “Not every police officer is bad.” Correct. Just as there are bad doctors, pilots, priests, teachers, parents, etc. The good need to stand up to the bad. In all facets of life the bad cannot be left unchecked. I know all of my police friends will agree with me on that as I’m sure they’re as disgusted as I am with the conduct of this former officer who killed George Floyd. The issue is that they, the good, must now earn the trust of an entire population, again. They are the symbol, unfortunately, of the negative side of this battle. Support them, the good police officers, who are out there today trying to do their job as best they can to repair the trust that a few idiots have decided to throw away.

In closing, if you decide that you cannot be a friend of mine because of my beliefs, ideas, or thoughts, that’s completely fine. I respect your decision. I am completely open as well to hear you out. These are my opinions, based on my life experiences and my family history. I don’t believe everything I read, and I don’t pretend to know the whole story ever. I’m here for enlightenment, education and welcome any opposing ideologies or comments. Just remember to keep them respectful and honest. And to anyone hurting right now, I'm sorry.

Aa

PS. If you’re looking for something interesting to read, look into the history of Chatham-Kent, Ontario, Canada. It is the terminus of the Underground Railroad, the final landing point of many escaped slaves headed north, equally as terrifying and fascinating a story as one could imagine.

Thank you Aaron!

It is difficult to for those raised under privileged circumstances to understand to plight of those not. For my own part, I try very hard to live a life that has no place in it for racism. I completely support your notion that this boils down to educating ourselves and consciously making an attitudinal change.

Post #2

Dwayne Casey is a highly respected NBA coach who's impact on Toronto will be remembered for years, thanks to his tieless efforts as the Raptors head coach. Besides his obvious success, Casey is extremely well spoken, intelligent and caring. Being a prominent black man, navigating this world during these turbulent times, he is a beacon for others to follow and his words, while raw, hold great meaning.

54 years ago, I was an 8-year-old boy living in rural Kentucky when schools were desegregated. I walked into a white school where I was not wanted nor welcomed. At that time there were no cell phones to record my treatment, no cable news stations with 24/7 coverage, no social media to record the reality of the situation or offer support nor condemnation. But I can remember exactly how I felt as an 8-year-old child. I felt helpless. I felt as if I was neither seen, nor heard, nor understood. As I watched the events unfold in the days following the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, a city were I coached and once called home, I see how many people continue to feel those same feelings - helpless, frustrated, invisible, angry.

I understand the outrage because it seems the list continues to grow: Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd. The injustices continue to mount and nothing seems to be changing.

54 years later, my son is now 8 years old and I look at the the world he is growing up in and wonder, how much has really changed? How often is he judged on sight? Is he growing up in a world where he is seen, and heard, and understood? Does he feel helpless? Will he be treated like George Floyd or Ahmaud Arbery? What have we really done in the last 54 years to make his 8-year-old world better than mine was? We all have to be a do better.

We have to change the way we see and hear each other. We have to work together to find solutions to make the justice system just. Black, white and brown people have to work together to find new answers. The only way we can stop the systemic problems that people of colour have faced all our lives is through honesty and transparency. We have to understand why people are at their limit at this moment. It takes empathy, in its truest form. It takes a culture shift. It takes action. Let's stop the injustice now. Let's not allow another generation to continue to live in a world where they are treated as unequal. Now is the time for real change.

Thank you Coach Casey!

Speaking out in these emotion charged times, with words dripping with empathy and caring, brings deeper understanding to these protests. I vow to keep this in my daily actions until true change is realized.