Helicopter or Snowplow?

I was recently supplying for a day and found myself enjoying a short respite in the department office, snacking from my trusty 40+ year old Rubbermaid lunchbox, when the conversational road turned suddenly with the arrival of a particularly vexing email received by one of the others in the room. Essentially, the message was from a "concerned" parent about how they viewed the present failures of the educational system, and in particular the teacher, involved services and administration, when it came to the care of their child. The message regaled the misgivings of those involved, the transgressions the child had revealed when queried, topped with accusations of negligence on the part of all involved.

You could hear the proverbial pin drop as the contents of the message were shared, having been edited to protect the child's identity.

Anyone who's taught for any length of time will have been faced with this type of situation, and while there are always nuggets of truth in the message, a lot of what is written is emotionally charged and bias as all get out because their kid couldn't possibly behave in that manner. The nuts and bolts of this particular instance surrounded a Gr 9 student with an IEP who mistakenly let the cat out of the bag that they haven't been staying for Study Hall each day, prompting the mother to lose her mind over fears of her child's safety. Who was protecting her child from the world's dangers during that 80 minute period? How could the school be so callous and careless? It had to be the staff's fault that the student wasn't where they were directed to be! Why hadn't their child been escorted to the supervised site ... her child couldn't possibly be trusted to follow directions without accompaniment, could they? I'll admit that there are complicating factors here, considering the age (Gr 9) and IEP (diagnosed learning difficulties), but the insinuation that the staff was negligent? I've seen the staff at work, first hand, and a more caring bunch you'd be hard-pressed to find.

It's important at this point to note that things operate significantly different in today's pandemic-challenged schools, and many outside the school will not be aware of the changes. Under the present structure of quadmesters, your child's teacher is responsible for their students from 8:00-10:00 and 10:40-12:40. leaving supervisory teachers (part of the Collective Agreement) to cover from 10:00-10:40 (lunch) and 12:40-2:00 (Study Hall). These supervising teachers are tasked with covering a section of the school in a state of constant motion, since there aren't enough to cover the individual classrooms. The students have been clearly instructed to remain in their classrooms ... even gyms ... to maintain their cohorts, as dictated by pandemic procedures. Some students, especially those with IEPs, may be directed to the school's Resource Room, where the Special Education staff are available to give more personalized assistance with incomplete assignments. 90-95% of student's families have granted their child permission to forgo Study Hall, heeding the agreement that they leave the school building and not roam the hallways or visit other cohorts. 

I thought to myself that this was a classic case of Helicopter Parenting. In the event that you're not familiar with this term in an educational setting, it is defined as, "A parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children. " (CLICK) If you ask any educator right now, they'll likely be able to point to anywhere from of 10-20% of the class roster where this is relevant. 

Helicopter parenting is typically exemplified by the following 7 scenarios:

#1 You Fight Your Child's Battles

Your daughter comes home in tears after an argument with a friend. What do you do? If you answered, “Call the friend’s mom to work out the problem,” you need to take a step back.
Try this instead: Be a support system, but let them talk it out. Teach them how to calm their emotions, then help them explore ways they and their friend can work it out on their own.

#2 You Do Their Schoolwork
Put on your preschooler’s shoes. Solve a hard math equation for your teen … there are plenty of ways to swoop in to save your kids from feeling frustrated. But healthy levels of stress can actually boost their problem-solving skills.
Try this instead: Let your kids figure things out on their own. Praise their efforts when they stick with hard situations.

#3 You Coach Their Coaches
If you shout advice from the stands during your kids’ games or corner the coach to talk after every practice, it might be time to sideline yourself. Sports can teach your child how to deal with conflict, work toward a goal, be a leader, and cope with defeat. But it has to be their team, not yours.
Try this instead: If they ask for your help or you can see they have a problem, teach them how to talk to the coach themselves.

#4 You Keep Your Kids on a Short Leash

You stick around for drop-off birthday parties. You drive your teen to friends’ houses even when they’re only a short walk away. You send daily check-in texts (plural) to your college student. Sound familiar? If so, it’s time to cut the apron strings and let your kids build some self-confidence.
Try this instead: Create chances for them to be independent: Let them play in the yard while you stay inside or walk the dog solo.

#5 You're a Maid in Your Own House
Do you still make your first grader’s bed, clean your teen’s room, or do your college student’s laundry? It’s time to lighten your load. Make your kid pitch in around the house and you’ll teach them responsibility for a lifetime.
Try this instead: Start with small tasks and build from there. Be clear about what you expect them to do, and praise a job well done.

#6 You Play It Too Safe
“Get down from up there!” “Don’t ride so fast!” “Hold my hand down the slide!” Would you bubble wrap your kids if you could? Turns out you can protect them too much. When you don’t let them take physical or mental risks, you can stunt their development.
Try this instead: Remember the goal is to keep them as safe as necessary, not as safe as possible. Let them climb a tree, or fall and scrape their knee. It’s good for their growth as a person.

#7 You Can't Let Them Fail
Think of the last time you made a mistake. Chances are, you learned from it. Your kids need to do the same. Trial and error teaches them how to make their way in the world. If you take over a project or task to “do it right,” they won’t learn how to tackle problems in the future.
Try this instead: Let them make mistakes every once in a while. When they fail, encourage them to try again.

In that same vein, helicopter parents sometimes metamorphosize into Snowplow Parents ... sometimes referred to as Bulldozer or Lawnmower parents ... as the newest cohort of Uber-intensive parenting that can include booking their adult children's haircuts, texting their college kids to wake them up so they don't sleep through a test, and even calling their kids' employers. They are the ones who try to mow down obstacles in their children's way to make their lives easier, protect their kids from experiencing hardship or stress, and help them succeed. (CLICK)

As a parting thought, I'll readily admit that the world, in general, is a more dangerous place than it was when I was in high school, prompting some parent's almost militaristic protection schemes lest their child be exposed to some nefarious person or situation. Understanding the WHY doesn't excuse the HOW, however, and IMHO, are doing more harm than good, creating a large contingent of adolescents that not only struggle to make decisions by analyzing the consequences themselves, but also expose them to enhanced levels of potential strife as their natural rebellious inclinations result in bypassing DEFCOM 5 through 3. 

Extremes don't solve problems; if we can find some ground in the middle, our children will be better for it. We can all agree that a higher level of caution is warranted in today's world, but full-on SWAT surveillance is not the best choice either. 

Just some thoughts from the recliner.