This is my 58th year walking this planet, and while I have lived through a variety of experiences, none of them adequately prepared me for my present point in life as those I have developed friendships with are passing on at what I consider to be a young age. Obviously, my cultural influences prepared me for the passing of those who were significantly older than me, and while their passing was saddening, it was not crushing. Some of those who have passed were my age, give or take a couple of years, and their passing was a stark reminder of my own mortality, a shocking figurative slap in the face. Unfortunately, some have passed that were significantly younger than me, most through extreme bad luck or happenstance, and they pose great difficulty in both understanding and grieving.
I recently wrote about a good friend from my Queen's Football days who has been battling a life threatening illness for a couple of years now, after receiving word that his illness had progressed to the point where treatment was no longer effective and could make what time that was left difficult and overbearing. Obviously, that news was a figurative punch in the gut that dropped me to my knees. The photo to the right is from one of Queen's Football1983 Vanier Cup 25th reunion and captured the joy and happiness of my weekend perfectly. From left to right is Scotty Bissessar, Jamie Pendergast, Bobby Wright, Ross O'Doherty, and John Larsen. Sadly, Bobby passed away a few years after this photo was taken and John is battling like a warrior as I write this.
John Larsen was co-captain of the Gaels in 1984, an honour that he held in very high esteem since it signified the respect his team mates had for his station in the team. I can clearly recall the level of my personal respect for both his contributions to our on-field successes and for his off-field leadership abilities. During our playing days, John and I developed a good friendship, laughing loudly, proudly, and genuinely over a wide assortment of college shenanigans. Over the years since graduation, we have shared a number of great reacquaintance moments through reunions of significance, gatherings for celebrations and, unfortunately, the untimely passing of other team mates and coaches. Every single one of those interactions were a jumble of stories, smiles, laughs, hugs and (of course) slags ... that's all a part of the brotherhood we share with Queen's Football.
During one of the celebrations of life that I have endured in the past, it was pointed out to me that in this point in human history, some have fallen into the rut of focusing on the things at the end of their noses, and have lost their way a bit when it comes to sharing what others in their lives mean to them while those dear were still alive to appreciate the sentiment. I recall that thought causing a shudder in my soul, prompting me to decide a change was in order for my own life, and I have consciously endeavoured to let those who were important to me get that message "straight from the horses mouth". In that vein, I shared a wonderfully comforting phone call with John recently, and despite the toll it was taking on his energy levels, I felt strongly that it was having a similar effect on him. I really wished to make the long journey to him, to share a physical touch, an eye to eye exchange, and an oh-so-familiar smile, but his worsening condition has made that impossible ... for now. Perhaps in the not so distant future, it could happen, but if not, he and I can grasp tightly onto the memories that have caused us such great happiness over the years.
My prayers to John, his wife Andrea and his two children for the soul-crushing trials they are enduring right now. I am resolute in the hope that the family will find the necessary strength.
In my life's connections, some call me lucky, but to me it doesn't always feel that way.
By my calculations, I have interacted with over 8000 young people throughout my time in education, be it in the classroom, in the gym, on the pitch, or out in the "real world", and I haven't had to deal with many losses. Those that did meet with an early demise deeply affected me, and made me question my faith in the powers that be or the order of things.
Unfortunately, I have another loss to deal with.
I recently received a message from a former player Jasun Springer that his good friend, and former team mate, Doug Coppin, had met with a tragic accident, leaving behind a loving partner and 4 amazingly beautiful children. I coached against Doug in high school and when he did some of his post-secondary learning at Georgian College, he earned a spot as a member of the Men's Basketball team when I was charged as head coach. Still clearly pictured in my memories are Doug's incredible smile, infectious laugh, and amazing attitude. When I sat down to write this tribute, I looked in awe at the happiness and love that is portrayed in the dozens of photos that populate his Facebook page. Doug loved largely and completely, always having time for a friend in need or for a loved one's assistance. There are loads of quotes and anecdotes available on the internet to share at times like these, but for right now, none really bring light to my darkness over such a horrible turn of events.
Rest in Peace Doug. You were a limited edition.
I have been reminded on numerous occasions by well-meaning friends that death is inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier to cope with nor understand, especially when it affects the young. I'm not a church goer, but I do have faith and see myself as living my life using religion as a guidebook, and I find myself questioning the true meaning of life when really great people suffer the ultimate price after what I see is a relatively brief stay on this earth. Everyone grieves significant loss in a personal way, and while being deeply affected by these passings, I gain great comfort from writing about the effect they have on me.
Hence, this post.
As a warning to my family and close friends, I urge you all to grab your love ones close, plant a wet sloppy one on their forehead or cheek, and tell them how much you appreciate their presence in your life.
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