I don't bounce very well!

If you're of my vintage, you'll fondly recall the yearly holiday special "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and it's iconic, grossly misunderstood villain Bumbles, the Abominable Snowman. I'm sure I not the only child who stage aghast at the TV screen when Yukon Cornelius shooed Bumbles off the cliff, the dull pangs of shock gripping my adolescent eyeballs, only finding relief later as Bumbles reappears to assist with the Huge Christmas tree. As YC remarked, Bumbles bounce.

Well, I'm no Bumbles, although I have been known to bumble my way through things throughout my life.

I don't bounce very well ... at all!

A week ago (Monday March 21st, 2022) the sun was shining brightly, the temperatures were moderate (by Canadian spring standards), and I fancied a stroll. I coerced Joyce to make the short trip to Preservation Park here in Guelph, and we set out for a lovely mid-afternoon hike. Preservation Park has a winding, intricate system of trails that includes gravel roads, single track trails, well established double track paths, and bog-avoiding wooden berms. One could walk these trails 5 different times and end up traversing multiple different km's, be it in the open meadow or shaded woodlands. 

The first portion of our walk was easy peasy as we headed out along the well maintained gravel roads that are popular with the Guelph area dog owners, but our desired full loop would mean venturing into the woodlands, and there we discovered that the shaded protection had only partially melted the winter's snow, leaving the trails treacherously icy. Not to be outdone, we stuck to the mushy edges of trail where the melting fragile ice gave way underfoot allowing for partial traction, but we eventually came upon a small, slightly downhill section that required great care. As Murphy's Law would have it, taking great care produced the exact opposite effect, and as my right foot slid out from under my center of gravity I though, "Uh Oh!"

You know those cartoons that you watched with great glee on many a Saturday morning of your youth that featured ridiculous slapstick slips on banana peels, often resulting in both feet flying up and overhead? Well, my dear wife had a serious sense of deja vu as she watched in horror as my old, grey bulk went fully airborne before landing on my upper back/shoulder with a sickening thud. My many years of contact sports provided me with the requisite experience to not panic as air flooded out of my lungs thanks to the crushing impact of my unbridled impact, but that didn't lessen the pain that wracked my body as I lay in the melting ice and mud.

As I stated above, I definitely don't bounce ... more of a slap, really.

Lying in the muck, I took stock of my being, surmised that I was alive and partially well, struggled to my feet on the still slippery surface, and dusted myself off the best I could. On the return trip to the RAV, I could certainly feel the discomfort of the thud, but I didn't think it was all that bad. I was an ex-varsity football and rugby player ... I'd been hit far harder than any slip on the ice could generate. As the night progressed, I was stiff but unhurt.

Tuesday's shuffle out of bed was slower than normal, and standing upright immediately reminded me of the previous day's events, but moving around loosened things up enough that I felt I could get a rip on the indoor bike trainer in, reasoning that the workout would further loosen the stiffness from my back since I had a playoff basketball game to officiate later in the day. 

While all was not "normal", it was certainly tolerable, and I was able to get up and down the gym floor fairly well, the spectators only marginally aware that the old fart in the stripes looked sort of awkward running all stiff and board-like. By the end of the game I hardly noticed the dull ache in my left flank.

In the middle of the night, something stirred me out of my slumber, and as I sought a different more comfortable positioning by rolling in bed, I was startled by a crack sound that was loud enough to wake Joyce as well. The accompanying sharp jab of pain was not comforting in the least, and seemed to be emanating from my entire left side musculature, causing a low-grade muffled grunt that brought a sense of panic to Joyce. Once the spasm had subsided, it only took 10-15 minutes to re-find sleep.

Wednesday morning was the most pain I've felt in a really, really long time. 

I was scheduled to drive to Shelburne to referee Sr Boys Basketball playoffs, but Ma Nature had other plans, casting an ice storm across southern Ontario, prompting a far-reaching and complete shutdown of the school transportation system, so the day was spent attempting to deal with my spasming back. After navigating the day, the night's retirement proved to be quite the affair as I willed myself to be completely and utterly immobile after struggling to find the solitary position that would abate the pain inducing spasms. Both Joyce and I realized that Thursday I was going to have to seek some help. Being a complete chowderhead, however, I had to make it through the Guelph District 10 Sr Boys Basketball playoff games I had agreed to referee. Wrapping myself up, using a boatload of Tiger Balm, a handful of pain medication, and a lot a teeth-gritting grimaces, I made it through the day. 

One of the many benefits of teaching is the huge number of relationships that get established with the fantastic young people you work with. Of the thousands I interacted with, a healthy number had set their sights on healthcare, and one of them was early in her career as a chiropractor. Dr. Chloe (Foster) Morgan also happened to be the apple of Josh Morgan's eye, one of my co-coaches with GC State's rugby program. I reached out to Dr. Chloe seeking some advice on dealing with my discomfort and was completely thrilled when she cleared a space in her schedule to see me the next day. Upon Dr. Chloe's thorough examination, she postulated that Monday's thud had resulted in a cracked rib, so she referred me to Georgian Imaging Services for an x-ray to confirm. I should hear in a couple of days whether or not I had a break.

How's that for service? 

Armed with some input from Dr. Chloe on how to deal with this new revelation, some quick treatment in an attempted to deal with the spasms, and some KT tape to assist with stabilization, I felt a little bit better about my near future. Besides, as she confirmed, there's not much more I could do to myself, barring any mid-court collision, something I avoided with the nimbleness of a Russian ballet dancer (giggle).

Let's all just agree that, like Forest Gump's admission, "I'm not a very smart man", so of course I would go ahead with the weekend's scheduled refereeing. Through a combination of over-the-counter medications, treatment, and bracing, I am glad to report that all went well, albeit with discomfort. 

So, we arrive at today, Monday March 28th, 2022, and that signals the end of this incredible stretch of events. I'm heading out later today for Shelburne to referee those games that were cancelled last Wednesday due to the ice storm, ending a stretch that included 13 refereeing assignments in 8 days, an ass-over-teakettle fall, and a couple of days supply teaching. I have a follow up with Dr Chloe this week and I think I already feel my rib starting the stitching process because the spams are becoming far more infrequent. 

What a crazy set of circumstances! 

And, to add insult to injury, I haven't been able to get a ride in for 5 days now! 

Like the old adage, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger", I will endure this bump in the road ... it's been snowing all week anyway, so I'm not missing any great tours out and about Wellington County. 

Pray for me folks. I need all the help I can get! HaHaHa!