CLICK for Teaser: The Last Assembly
Like all of us, my life changed ever so slowly as I passed through those first few years teaching at Central, and I eventually realized that as prestigious as my mind was, I would be grateful for visual reminders in my golden years. That feeling coincided with taking over the production of Central's Yearbook, so I have a nearly 2 TB external drive filled with photos and videos documenting the last decade Central's existence. There may be a few retired colleagues that have photos carefully preserved in cedar chests or pine cupboards documenting the years they toiled in the halls of BCC, but the following video is a short selection of what I have.
CLICK for Slideshow
Memories as a WATCHER:
When I lean back in my recliner, close my eyes, and really concentrate, I can retrieve snippets of hilarity that include the Nutcracker, Whistling Bellies, and, of course, the Rock Band and its star-studded line up.
My first exposure to the glory of the Nutcracker ballet was in grade 11 ... I think ... when most of the PHE teachers shed their sweats for tutus and tights, prancing and bounding their way around the stage. Images of Dave Garland, Tom Krawzyk, JJ Irving, Penny Gow, Irene Nicowski, and Hondo Varep ... to name a few ... as they revelled in the refinement of Tchaikovsky, will forever produce a small chuckle.
In grade 12, my eyes were treated to the midriffs of my beloved teachers like Brian Honey, Bill Huddleston and Doug Eves as they flexed and danced their way across the stage to the theme song from the movie "The Bridge Over the River Kwai" (CLICK). I can recall laughing so hard that I developed a stitch in my side, like the ones you get from running too far.
The coup de grace was always to Teacher's Rock Band that featured the wailing guitar of math teacher Bill "Huddle-ROCK" Huddleston, English teacher Bruce "Big Bass" Rumble, and the velvety vocals of Doug "The Duke" Eves as they covered Gene Chandler's classic "The Duke of Earl". My apologies to any other teachers who were involved in the Rock Band, but it was almost 40 years ago and I have never found anyone with video footage ... Watching the ones I have, that was likely a good thing!
Memories as a PARTICIPANT:
Succumbing to the pressures of modern times, the more recent assemblies turned to the media for inspiration, leading to GAP commercial reproductions that included old farts attempting, and usually failing wonderfully, to replicate the day's popular dances like Gangnam Style, Hot in Here, Crank Dat, and I like Big Butts, to name only a few. Responding to the changing times, the more recent years switched sponsors to Old Navy, but the comedic effect remained the same, the slapstick just as zany, the embarrassment just profound. Thank you Sue Berardi for giving up all of those lunch hours for all of the lunkheads who just couldn't learn the dances.
Checking off an item on my personal Bucket List with a stranglehold on my fears, I fronted the Teacher's Rock Band with bastardized versions of Trooper's "Raise a Little Hell" and ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" but my swan song of Bob Seager's "Old Time Rock 'n Roll" will forever haunt my own children's minds ... Sorry Maddi and Keaton ... but at least now I understand people who describe it as an emotional rush. Thank you to Sean Rogers, Dave Chung, Neil Mavor, Lisa Perry and Graham Hilliam for being so patient and accommodating.
When in comes to childhood trauma, however, nothing says OMG like your father baring most of what he owns while performing the Nutcracker ballet in as little gold sequins and tights ... unless you also recognize that I was also bastardizing the dance because I'm behind on every move. If that wasn't enough, I performed (?) it twice ... once in 2013 (CLICK) and again in 2015. Many thanks to my partners Jen Hare and Barb Sturrock for putting up with me.
The videos that were recorded encapsulated the sheer volume of talent that the Central teachers kept as closely guarded secrets ... until the right time. Likely my personal favourite was the 2015 parody of Adele's "Hello" featuring Drew Forsyth, Kris Gilewicz, Jay Malandrino and Shaun Lahaie (CLICK for marginal quality copy). Of course, no film success was safe from copy ... remember the Blair Witch Project parody? Or the WASSUP commercials? Or the lip sync of "Wanna be a Rock Star"? Terry Tate - Classroom Linebacker? Brick in a Box?
The hardest part of being in the show is racing backstage after performing so you could get to the side aisles to watch what your colleagues were doing next. I missed so many of the "Bare Naked Ladies Fully Clothed" live performances ... many thanks to Robin Malandrino, Jen Weening and Jill Lapenskie ... but some of the videos of the assemblies were saved following the closure, so I have seen their brand of brilliance after the fact. I'll share some of the videos that I rescued if I ever figure out how to do it because the files are so large.
If you went to Central, my gift to you is to jog your memory so that you can relive your own experiences in the Fisher Aud.
Those were good times, my friends, really good times.
Thanks for bringing back so many amazing memories! For me, my first Teacher's Assembly quickly affirmed to me that Central was special, unlike any other. To see how much the teachers clearly cared about the students and cared for each other was inspiring. Thanks to all of those who contributed!
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