Benjamin Franklin famously wrote in 1789, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." Joyce and I have reached that point in life where we completely understand what Ben meant.
Elizabeth Ann (Maroney) Tough passed away on February 26th, 2025, having seen and accomplished a great number of things in her almost 85 years. Although the exact circumstances have become dusty and occluded over the more than 5 decades, I first met BA when my mom and dad bought a semidetached little slice of heaven on Gaylong Court in Toronto, right across the street from Jim and Betty Ann Tough and their 2 children Karen and Michael. For over 50 years, our 2 families have laughed, cried, danced, swam, BBQ'd, hugged, and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company, the highlight being an annual gathering almost exclusively held on the August Civic Holiday weekend. We were "cut from different cloth" as far as personalities go, but that didn't serve as divisive, rather we embraced the variety like a hearty bowl of vegetable soup ... we were warmed from the inside out.
One of the reasons our clan became so close occurred early on when the Tough's eldest child Karen was tragically killed when navigating a pedestrian crosswalk not far from their home. The grief of burying a child was both devastating and gilding as my parents consoled BA and Jim over their family's tragedy. The time the grieving required brought about opportunity for the kids involved to build relationships of their own, and with Mike and I being of similar age, we joined the other children on our little court in discovering all that the neighbourhood held. As the saying goes, "when one door closes, another opens", bringing with it the light of healing when BA and Jim refocused their "cup runneth over" love by adopted a wee one they named Jennifer, a cherubic little bundle of happiness that was quickly embraced by all in our clan.
Betty Ann's passing was inevitable, just as Ben Franklin proclaimed, and we hugged our way through her absence with beautifully penned reminders from her brother Gary, and her children Jennifer and Michael, each a splendid expose of all that BA shared with the world during her years. The sense of absence I felt was impactful in that I felt like I had lost a quasi-parent, BA's presence having become a part of my life's foundation after so many years. My heart goes out to all who gathered in their effort to find some comfort for the emptiness, and especially to the Tough family who have had to live up to their namesake in the past couple of weeks.
Taxes are a regular topic of discussion around our dinner table thanks to our present state of things, but death visited our Circle recently when one of my family's oldest friends passed over the rainbow bridge after encountering some health complications. The funeral service was this past weekend, and despite the sadness of passing, the stories of a life well lived brought smiles and a chuckles, the remembrance of a stellar woman / sibling / spouse / mom / Nana / G-Nana was wholly celebrated by family and friends.
As Old Man Time marches on, our 2 families have progressed much the same as many, aging gracefully (or not) as Gen 1 greyed, Gen 2 adulted begetting grandkids, Gen 3 also adulted begetting great grandkids, the ebb and flow of this Life throwing challenges that we shared as we conquered. The sadness of loss aside, our cadre has passed on our love's light from generation to generation to generation, the importance of maintaining contact carefully planed and nurtured to ensure the sense of belonging to something bigger continued by receiving regular infusions. The umbrella of caring even extended outwards to include Betty Ann's younger brother Gary as his presence became a welcomed familiarity.
Throughout those years, our group met the challenges of Life head on, each member becoming enveloped in a shroud of selflessness, caring, and connection as we grew to understand how each of us had our strengths, quirks, likes, and dislikes that became almost as familiar as the face we saw every morning in the mirror.
We've lost a few members along the way.
Many years later, Death visited us again when my father succumbed to cancer, the tables being turned as the Toughs rallied around my family, helping us navigate our profound sense of loss. By this time, our numbers had swollen, bringing opportunity for the younger to understand the Circle of Life and all that this sense of loss included in its offer. During my family's grieving, the Toughs reminded us of the plethora of happy memories, their light casting away the shadows of our sadness, our tears lovingly wiped away with the laughter of familiarity.
Many who might read this will also be astutely aware of my brother Dave's death nearly 2 years ago now. I've written about that already so you all know how that impacted our class, and we're still reeling over that one, but the Tough clan rallied around us again, selflessly showing their support in our time of need.
RIP Betty Ann
Enjoy your teary reunion with Karen.
Give my dad Terry a hug from all of us.
Tell my brother Dave that we still talk about his absence.
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