Pondering

One of the fringe benefits of retirement is the ability to have greater control over how the minutes of your day are spent, whom they are spent with, and the potential future impact of choosing that path. While I dearly loved teaching, and by extension coaching, I have found the last five years of retirement immensely satisfying and fulfilling as I imbued myself in things that uplift my soul, leaving me with a profound sense of accomplishment. It is both the identification of those feelings, and the accompanying evaluation at the close of each experience that has lead to the following thought-provoking questions.

The purpose of this piece is not to wag a finger, to compare, or to preach.

If you find yourself with some minutes unoccupied by the repercussions of what you have chosen to fill those minutes with, please give both the questions and my rebuttals a quick read with the understanding that I lay zero claims of correctness, enlightenment, or transformation, but rather, present them as a gift or a launchpad, to start your personal reflections surrounding each. 

If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

Wow! Nothing like starting with a 'heavy' one, eh? 

For me, with hindsight being 20/20, did I choose wisely when it came time to put all of my eggs in the same basket? That is to say, did I choose the correct path, now that it all said and done, and I have learned a plethora of valuable lessons along that journey? 

I will unequivocally state that teaching (and coaching) is, and always will be, what stokes the flames of my soul's passion, and any day spent in that endeavour permits me a complete sense of accomplishment that warms me to my toes. I cannot even dream of a day where teaching, in all its forms, isn't included in my choice for any day's minutes.

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?
Look, I'm no different than so many. I occasionally look back on the memories of my life using the lens of 'coulda' or 'shoulda', playing the compare game with those that matter in my life, and that very act reveals negativity I've shouldered for far too long. Their very presence has impacted my decisions of the here and now by instilling hesitation or anxiety of the what could have been. However, considering these negatives are very few in number, in opposition I hold a great many more decisions and accomplishments that bolster extreme pride in my breast. 

I'll come clean right here and now that one of my regrets surrounds the extent of my focus during my university football career because, being brutally honest, I know that I "left something on the table" that may (or, may not) have made that fractional difference in how some of the challenges I faced eventually played out. While I have come to terms with that regret ... it was over 40 years ago ... the sting of letting myself down, and by extension my team mates, still maintains an edge, and is something that still lingers.

Another regret surrounds my own perceived evaluation of being a Dad. More times than I am comfortable with, I chose my passions for ensuring my players/students were gifted lessons whose foundations were my personal experience to overshadow the lessons that should have been gifted to my own children. While I did attempt to dampen the regret by investing time with them in their sporting choices, I know deep down that I certainly could have done more by prioritizing more effectively. I am still working my way through this one, but when I see them both flourishing in their "adultness", I feel the sting a little less. 

As the saying goes, "That's water under the bridge", and it's time to let them both go.

If we learn from our mistakes then why we are afraid to make mistakes?
This is a BIG one! 

As human beings, we crave inclusion and approval, with the fear of rejection a powerful motivator in Life's significant challenges, instilling a sense of dread directly related to putting our very best out there, lest it be deemed not sufficient. As a life long educator, I am acutely aware that mistakes are a part of the human condition, the consequences of not measuring up to the fruit of the Tree of Life, lessons scaffolded on previous learning to become more than we presently are ... but that doesn't make them any less intimidating.

Look, Giannis Antetokounmpo, NBA All Star and former MVP, put it perfectly when queried about feelings of failure for not winning the championship. “Every year you work, you work towards something, towards a goal, right? Which is to get a promotion, be able to take care of your family, to be able to provide the house for them or take care of your parents. You work towards a goal. It’s not a failure; it’s steps to success. There's always steps to it ... Michael Jordan played 15 years, won six championships; the other nine years was a failure? That's what you're telling me? There's no failure in sports. You know, there's good days, bad days. Some days you are able to be successful, some days you're not. Some days it’s your turn, some days it’s not your turn. And that's what sports is about. You don't always win; some other team’s gonna win. And this year, somebody else is gonna win. Simple as that." 

Mistakes are a natural consequence of trying to accomplish something, and if we fail, it should be seen as a lesson used to manifest personal growth. It's NOT something we should fear. As Confucius stated, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", and if our fear prevents simply striding out, how can we move forward with our life?

In the haste of our daily lives, what are we not seeing?
Oh, if I only knew now what I didn't know back then! 

A popular sentiment these days is to be 'present', to allow ourselves to gain a broader perspective of the HERE, the NOW, lest it be clouded by the past or future. When I look back on my choices, I am given pause when reflecting on my singular focus, missing some of the incredible things happening in my periphery, things that given their due focus might have made a significant difference for those that I hold dear. (See above)

The stark truth is that I don't multi-task very well at all, and when I try, I often come up quite short. I keep trying to improve, but I'm still quite a piece down the pathway from competency, and I must remind myself to be more aware of the "bigger" picture, significantly reducing anxiety while increasing both creativity and productivity. Actively embracing mindfulness and gratitude will stave off the temptation to overthinking a situation, begetting a clearer understanding of the emotions in the happening.

Life is too short to tolerate (fill in the blank)?

At the risk of insulting readers by being crass, Life is too short to tolerate BULLSHIT!

In my vocabulary, that term encompasses a wide array of subjects and thoughts, but at its heart, I mean that I find people with a lack of character, morals, and decency intolerable to interact with. I'm a guy who takes pride in his integrity, my word being my bond, and as such I look to align myself with those of similar stock. I will not suffer those that act in ways that reveal an astute lack of character through actions or words, finding the negativity generated insurmountable to tolerate. 

Case in point, without becoming too political or controversial, the fear mongering, gas lighting, and intimidation of the past 8 weeks since inauguration on January 20th that have filled the news waves thanks to the ever shifting, flip-flopping half truths that have escaped the mind of the US President that, at least for me, cements his place as the poster child for the term. Back on home soil, the recent re-election of Premiere Ford and impending possibilities of PC leader Poilievre have my Bullshit meter clicking louder than a geiger counter at Chernobyl. I'm not claiming to have any sort of crystal ball, but as they say, "actions speak louder than words", and through my personal lens, I see only BS.

Deep sigh with heavy remorse.

A quick Internet search will reveal dozens of questions of this sort. 

Perhaps a sequel post to continue the discussion will arrive in your inbox some time in the future.

As always, thanks for reading.