Still thinking about stuff

I've really enjoyed putting on the Thinking Cap for a couple of previous pieces (Click or Click) so I thought maybe one more time. I honestly cannot recall where I got these questions from, or what inspired them, but a quick Google effort resulted in dozens of potential choices so it literally could have been anywhere. 

I find that there is something deeply satisfying and cathartic answering these queries with heartfelt honesty, even if it creates a considerably vulnerable position by baring personal items for the Keyboard Warriors to react, however they may choose. I have decided that I now know myself pretty well after all these years, and more importantly, I am very comfortable with who I have become, so being vulnerable is not nearly as threatening as it once was. 

I'd love to have a conversation with you about what your answers might be to any of these.

What have you given up on?
We all have dreams.
Dreams are different from aspirations, at least they are to me.
Building on that, dreams and aspirations are different from goals.

To me, dreams are the stuff of "what if" or "imagine if", the thoughts that consume us when we sit quietly, watching the snowflakes swirl or raindrops drip or branches sway, as we entertain our grey matter with ideas that we anticipate might change the Life that we are surrounded by. They're the Lotto Max influence. They're fun to discuss with your special someone while commuting somewhere or basking in the glow of a fire.

Aspirations and goals are different. To me, aspirations are the long-term, often intangible vision or "the why", while a goal is the concrete, specific, measurable milestone, or "the what", needed to reach the aspiration. Goals are the actionable targets that serve the broader aspiration.

While we all have some of these, though not all of us have all three, and I would propose that it hinges on our station in Life since the circumstances of the day to day will influence our "what if", "why do", or "how can" ruminations. We are cautioned so often by influencers or "coaches" about being present or in the moment lest we dwell on issues out of our control, but if you're anything akin to me, you likely have decisions/actions that you harbour regrets about. The minuscule ones are easily dismissed, the fodder of a quiet moment of introspection, but should you have one that clings and causes revisitation, that energy can spark so much negative inner dialogue, warping the perceptions of the here and now with it's lens. 

That's where the giving up happens, the dream or aspiration tumbling like the proverbial house of cards under the weight of self-imposed lashes of the chalice as punishment for some deed left incomplete, the most extreme of which can cause alterations to our sense of self-worth or self-confidence. Our locus becomes external, fluctuating with the response/input of others, like a sail in the breeze. 

I am blessed to have enjoyed the influence of two amazing parents whose tutelage included allowing me to make mistakes, gifting the opportunity to learn how to stave off the fickle roller coaster of other's opinion by sustaining a solid foundation of belief in me, and what I'm about. It has served me well throughout my years, not only as an athlete and coach, but also as a teacher and parent, a "super power" I am incredibly grateful was harnessed early on. I have boat loads of minuscule regrets, so many that I've long forgotten their nature or circumstances, but if I'm honest, I have very few of a substantive nature, and certainly none that have caused the figurative rainclouds of pessimism. 

I guess that's a really long way to say that I haven't given up on very many things.

What do you do when other people don't like you?

It's an interesting question, if I'm honest, because the answer will have a great deal to do with your mindset. Caring about the opinion of others boils down to
(a) how much their approval means to you,
(b) how much you like yourself, or like the way you handled the thing that led to their disapproval, and
(c) how content you'd be going forward, considering their disapproval. 

The answer will also vary widely from person to person.

At this point in my ripening, if asked this, I would respond with a non-committal, unemotional, shoulder-shrugging, "Not much." Oh, there was a time where approval of others for an assortment of issues or decisions was paramount to my enjoyment of the day, but I will confess that these days, the number of people in the group that I would lend heed to has diminished to a little more than a handful.

Besides, as my brother's T-shirt states Aren't I a f#$king ray of sunshine and what's not to like? HaHa!

Seriously, it boils down to intrinsic or extrinsic valuation ... if you're happy with who you have become, you see the world and it's happenings through the lens of "I like me" and things that don't jive with what you hold dear are of little importance. On the flip side, if your lens is "I hope they like me", things that don't jive with what you hold dear can significantly impact your happiness. 

So my answer to the question hinges on being true to myself and my self-concept.

To be clear,

I like me ...

I like how I've lived and am living ...

I have a small group of people whom I hold dear ...

I have boat loads of people I call friends ...

If someone doesn't like me, Meh, but given some time, my little ray of sunshine will eventually brighten their day, and things could potentially change.

Thanks for reading!