Heart broken yet grateful

It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster this past week, with my heart breaking over the passing of an old university chum then filled to the brim by the generosity of our in-laws. I feel like I have written far too often of late about the emptiness of losing those who occupy a special place in my heart, but then time spent with loved ones, especially grand children, does its best patch job, all lessons in this game of Life.

The week started out on a low note with a message from one of my old football team mates that another of our brothers had been taken far before his time, the victim of an irreversible health complication. Greg Baun and I played on some pretty amazing Gaels teams in the early 80's, conditions that were emotional fertilizer for germinating close ties with tremendous staying power. Greg, the son of Maple Leafs legend Bobby Baun, inherited his family's outstanding athleticism making him a potent force on the gridiron as a punishing fullback, perfect for the option scheme that racked up total offense stats much to the detriment of our OQIFC opponents. As impressive as that may sound, it was Greg's off-the-pitch qualities that were even more impressive, not the least of which was his affability. The brilliance of his 1000w smile entered the room well before his face appeared, quickly followed up with a snappy remark, a good natured jib, or a glowing compliment, traits that endeared him to many of those who were proud to call him a buddy.

An often overlooked quality of Greg's was his gritty perseverance, a trait that not only served his athletic successes, but perhaps more importantly, impacted his business interests even more wholly. Whatever it was that was the focus at the moment, Greg poured himself entirely into the quest, successes racking up consistently. 

Tony, Ross, and Bauner

One of the traditions I am eternally grateful for is the passion of so many of my FB chums for staying in touch, the highlight of which would invariably be our reunions every few years, but another developed more recently, the brainchild of our team guru Ross 'ODO' O'Doherty, when those that could gathered every Christmas to share a meal, a beverage, and countless stories. It was during many of those holiday events that my friendship with Greg had its embers stoked as we shared more of ourselves, especially the more recent family developments. True to form, those conversations were accompanied by that glowing 'Bauner' smile.

My beliefs allow me the confidence that you'll somehow be aware of how much we will all miss you Greg, and the power of our collective love will, in its way, make whatever the next place you're in brighter and blissful. 

As low as that felt, the mood quickly improved with an invitation to join our Maddi+Chris+Wynnie at Chris' parent's cottage in the Haliburton area, a Shangri La I've shared thoughts about before. Tony and Cheryl Cove are a special type of generous, sharing the life they've built with open arms and a huge smile. Their place up north is both impressive and homey, situated on Eagle Lake with a full frontage of sandy beach, nestled in the thick forest that dominates that part of the world. We've been invited to enjoy before, and this time was no different, despite the lack of cooperation from Mother Nature, but the company was stellar, the conversation was plentiful, and the feelings of appreciation palpable. Not to be outdone, the offered fare was delicious and decadent, my belly's ballooning size at the end of the night signalling a caloric Olympic record. 

Of course, the highlight of the trip was our Energizer Bunny Wynnie's playful antics, entertaining 6 sets of adoring eyes sparkling with a love that spilled over the rim, and 4 sexagenarians rolling around on the floor, mimicking the babbling of a busy little soul. Having just passed her 1st birthday earlier in July, Wynnie almost skipped the awkward walking stage, opting instead for running as her developing powers mental powers left us bewildered and pleased. Even when her year one MMR vaccinations left her with an uncomfortable low grade fever, she babbled and danced herself content, much to the delight of the willing audience.

Were that not enough, the trip was punctuated with a group trip to visit my MIL Pearl in Haliburton with Maddi, Chris, and Miss Wynnie in tow, a Great Grandmother's first chance to see Wynnie at her frenetic explorations. With the significant distance from their home to Haliburton, Pearl doesn't get a lot of opportunities for visits, but the Cove cottage is a short drive away, and she couldn't have smiled any wider. Nap time signalled the end of the visit, kisses were offered, hugs were given, and we enjoyed a brief but tasty lunch with Pearl prior to pointing the RAV toward the Beach. 

I still found my thoughts wandering back to some 'Bauner' memories on the drive home, but thanks to the injection of Cove generosity, a lengthy visit with our little cherub, and the satisfaction that Pearl was healthy and well, the memories generated happy feelings of remembrance, not the sting of loss. 

Another week of retirement comes and goes, and it's still pretty darned wonderful.

RIP Greg

What is your deepest fear?

I love a good movie! We have Prime and Netflix so between the two, we must have access to 3000 or more movies, but the struggle is REAL in finding something that we both feel is worth the investment of a 5 minute preview. In some cases, the trailers help, but less than half of the movies that tweak our curiosity have trailers, so it's the age old roll o' the dice on some. Unfortunately for us, our batting average is not far off what the Blue Jays are these days, and that's disappointingly low ... in both cases.

Easily one of my favourite movies is Coach Carter, and at the risk of throwing a spoiler out into CyberSpace, it is well worth the time, even if you're not a huge basketball lover. The story centers around a real person, Coach Ken Carter, who returns to his alma mater after much personal success, as head coach for the varsity boys team, and along the way, changes the bulk of the team's lives through his unusually strict and demanding style. My favourite moment surrounds one of the more needy players, Timo Cruz, reciting a powerful quote in response to being challenged by Coach Carter, "What is your deepest fear?" The quote is originally from the book, A return to love, by Ms Marianne Williamson, 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

The first time I watched the movie, I was as impressed by these words as most, but the deeper meaning escaped my understanding at the time, and only re-watching delivered the impact the screen writer intended. I had to rewind a couple of times to make sure I grasped its full message. I don't mind admitting that while it did not change my life in some Eureka moment, its urging did bring a sense of peace to me as I continued to pursue excellence nearing the end my career, and I do feel that I became a better coach because of it. By embracing successes with pride, despite what naysayers commented, I consciously urged my players to do the same that they would brighten their own darkness in a wholesome sense of accomplishment.

I was doom-scrolling recently and stumbled upon a little video with Lawrence Fishburne from the movie, Akeelah and the Bee, that was focused on this same quote, again meant to enlighten a young mind. I immediately recognized the quote from Coach Carter, and had to look into it a little deeper. Of course a message this powerful would be applicable in all manner of situations.

Somewhere along the way, as society developed the ability to share information more widely, we allowed the anxieties of other's insecurities to rob light from our successes to abate their fears of failure in an effort to diminish our celebrations of achievement. The goal was to taint success with warnings of negative emotions like arrogance or hubris, like we were directly responsible for their envy. In today's social media driven world, the visceral reactions to people's good fortune or skill is hard wired through negative feedback loops that play out on a daily basis, the immediate impact of negative self-talk visibly evident through non-verbal demonstrations. 

I personally endeavour to celebrate the successes of those around me in an effort to allow their light to shine like a beacon, and while I fall prey to rare occasions where those old negative thoughts arise, it's far easier than one might think to learn this new mindset, allowing the darkness of inadequacy to be abated, brightening our mood, our thoughts, and our expressions.

Give it a try ... what have you got to lose?