The Fresh Prince ... Ver 2

It's amusing, this life. As we navigate it's twists and turns, we are faced with scenarios that uplift or disappoint, each with a lesson for us to learn about how we would wish the future to play out. I have a colleague who is somewhat closer to the beginning of his family escapades than Joyce and I, with sons that are still in elementary school. He reached out to me to assist him with running a youth basketball tournament since both of his boys are members of the Barrie Royals Basketball club and he was hoping I would take on the role of gym convenor during the games that his younger son was playing so he could enjoy the action. Of course I said yes, and a Saturday morning was spent with the familiarity of youth basketball and it's sights, sounds ... and smells.

Some of you reading this will recall that I invested a lot of time and energy into the Royals during it's initial development and then continued to coach Keaton until he finally decided to invest all of his energies into rugby. Basketball was the primary focus early on in my development as a coach and I have to admit that watching these youngsters compete and perform stirred something deep inside me. It was a great experience ... mostly.

Part of the role of gym convenor is to ensure that the physical element is functioning ... the minor officials are present and competent, the referees have arrived and have everything they need, the playing surface is in the best shape it can be ... and to ensure that the OBA's (Ontario Basketball Association) ideals are foremost in everyone's mind. That manifests in ensuring that parents and fans conduct themselves in a positive and nurturing manner, something that has been an issue since I started coaching in the early '90s.

I am pleased to report that there was only one scenario that required my attention, but not as pleased as I would have been if there hadn't been a scenario at all. The game started out fairly calmly but tensions increased as the littles put on an energetic, frenetic show. Unfortunately, as luck of the draw, one of the officials was very experienced and one was fairly new, and the lack of experience was quickly recognized by one team's supporters, resulting in what they viewed to be an unfair disadvantage. They began to ruminate, loudly, that this official had "a journey to complete" in the management of the game.

This is where the Fresh Prince comes in ... again.

As I would later find out, many of the more vocal participants were moms and dads who felt that they understood the game better than the official and wished to show everyone in the gym HOW MUCH more they knew. As an old fart, with years of coaching experience, I am used to parents voicing their disagreement with my decisions in leading the team or the interpretations of the rules being made by the officials. When that disagreement becomes personal in nature, that crosses a line of decorum that begs to be addressed. Sadly, when addressed, it more often that not deflects the displeasure from the official to squarely on the convenor's shoulders, and can oft times become animated.

I chose to relocate myself, assuming a position in front of the most vocal group, both as a visual reminder to them of what they had agreed to when they signed their child up for youth basketball ... the OBA has a parent and player behaviour contract that is a part of the registration. My presence was not welcomed BUT did serve to soften the attack for a little while. The game was a hotly contested affair and was tight as it would down to it's conclusion. In my experienced eyes, calls were missed against both teams equally. I feel qualified to evaluate officials because I was an official for a number of years, eventually becoming a part of the OCAA panel, and had been a part of the development of new officials. Unfortunately, the hoard did not possess the same level of patience ... because NCAA scholarships and pro contracts were being handed out that day ... said no one ever.

When the personal attacks recommenced, I stepped in to address to most vocal, requesting that they recall the contract they had signed, to calm themselves down, and to support their side in a positive manner. One father mistakenly assumed that I was looking for an argument, turning his displeasure to me, which I felt was better for the kids. I used the "Broken Record" technique to repeat a consistent message but, in the end, we agreed to disagree when his wife jumped into the mix. She had some choice words but her message was that I was discounting her husband's point ... because he was a coach, don't you know, like that gave him some sort of license to act like an arse. I am pleased to report that the game finished without anyone having to be removed from the gym and I felt that the issue was over. NOPE! That same gentleman sought me out for further debate after the game. Suffice it to say, he made his point, to which I acknowledged had some merit because he was adamant that the official bearing most of the attack was inexperienced ... which was true ... and I revisited my point that there was a level of decorum that was expected. We ended the conversation with a polite handshake to signify that we understood each other's point.

I continue to be astounded by the decisions that parents make while their offspring are involved in sporting activities. This is not a basketball issue, but rather, a youth sport issue that I have seen throughout my career in the wide variety of activities I have coached or parented. Do these vocal minority really feel they are doing their sons or daughters justice by behaving in this manner? Do they not see that many of us look disparagingly at their lack of self-discipline and the damage that is doing to their child's development? The obvious answer is that they do not. The whole statement about living vicariously through their child was in FULL display! As my dear departed father would often tell me, "You can't fix stupid." I am not alone in this, but the message that resonates the most with me is Frank Martin's, head basketball coach at South Carolina ... Click here for a video on this ... Frank says it as bluntly as you'd like. Having invested so much time and energy in educating youth, it's as irritating as "burr under the saddle" to see the disservice to the kids. One of the most thought provoking messages I ever heard came from Geno Auriemma, head basketball coach at the university of Connecticut ... Click here for Coach Auriemma's message ... about what high level coaches are looking for in players they recruit. Thankfully, in the end, this is an issue that centers around a small proportion of parents, but my prayers are for everyone involved that the same small number don't destroy the good for all, with less and less good, competent people choose to become involved in youth sports, be it coaches or officials,  to avoid the haranguing at the hands of a vocal minority.

I'll cut off this never-ending debate with this ... Click here to read from Changing the Game Project
Hopefully we will see a positive change before my grandchildren join whichever team they may choose.